Janet Jackson, the baby of the First Family of Soul, is bringing her nasty groove to the Fillmore Miami on December 5. Expect to hear all of her number-one hits, but do not expect any holograms or pyrotechnics, OK? Like the official news release states, "Don't look for special effects. Just listen to and look at Janet, as you have never seen her before." Really, everybody knows special effects can't enhance listening to and looking at Janet Jackson. She is the founder of the Rhythm Nation, after all.
She's on tour to promote her upcoming book True You, writings on self-help wrapped in a memoir. Fans are promised to get a boost from Jackson's anecdotes about nutrition, dieting, and self-esteem. In a sweet little twist, she's inviting what she calls "20 under 20" to get the full VIP treatment at the show. She wants "parents, relatives, neighbors and teachers to nominate five people to qualify as one of the 20 under 20 in each place I will perform."
If you know five good kids, go to her website and nominate them, so she can narrow it down to one, and then after narrowing down all the ones, have a total of 20 Future Leaders of America hanging backstage with Ms. Jackson.
We're going do J.J. a solid, and rat out five bad kids she should definitely not give the special pass to!
Matthew Scheidt
The UK Daily Mail -- and a few hundred other media outlets -- said this guy was acting like Leo DiCaprio in Catch Me If You Can. In Scheidt's case, it was more like Catch Me in Less Than a Month. This kid forged an Osceola Regional Center I.D. to make it look like he was a real live physician's assistant. He did CPR on people, drew some blood, and got caught in two weeks.
Janet's "Don't Stand Another Chance" can be directed right at Scheidt's dorky face, "Well, you know somebody's gotta lose
We all can't win... maybe next time, okay.
You guys are confusing."
Luis Miguel Cordero or Santiago Cabrera
As we were reading our favorite people and horses website, we came across a rather gruesome story. A couple of Hialeah teenaged boys broke into the Lazy L Ranch and killed a couple of horses so they could sell the meat on the black market. Damn, guys. You're making the City of Progress look really bad.
Like Janet said in "What Have You Done for Me Lately" -- "Good thing I cook or else we'd starve to death.
Ain't that a shame? What have you done for me lately?"
David Dowling
From our brothers at Pulp, this kid stole a life-sized Bieber cutout from the Desoto Square Mall in Bradenton. First of all, he's 23, so he doesn't really make the cut as one of the "20 Under 20." Also, he is 23 and stole a full-sized Beebz from FYE and got caught.
Poor Dowling probably sung "I miss ya much (boy-oh-I miss you much)" as the cops took away his near-real JB.
Kenneth White
Buddy got caught red handed. We all know there's nothing to do in the Keys except eat, sleep, fish, and eat. This kid broke into an appliance store, turned on someone's computer, and just started having at himself furiously. He told the cops he was checking the place out, as he was thinking about applying for a job there. This young go-getter needs guidance, not a backstage pass to leering at Janet's special-effects-free wardrobe.
We can picture her singing "Oh you nasty boy!" to him and him loving it and himself.
Keyona Davis
Once again, our investigative bros at the Pulp present us with another perfect candidate for Janet to not invite backstage. We imagine Jackson might bend the rules and allow one or two people over 20 to her concert . This 23-year-old girl has been getting arrested since she was 18. This time, she was cruising the streets of Daytona Beach with her friend's baby sitting loosely in the bed of a pickup truck.
This lady better take heed to Jacka's "Black Cat" lyrics, "Better change. Makes no sense to me. Your crazy ways. Black cat."
Janet Jackson. Monday, December 5, at Fillmore Miami, 1700 Washington Ave., Miami Beach. Tickets cost $69.50 to $225 and go on sale Saturday, September 10, at 10 a.m. Click here.
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