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Jayson "Worse Than Linda" Blair

Thanks to the follies of ex-New York Times scribe Jayson "Worse than Linda" Blair, it's more difficult than ever for writers and reporters to get away with truth-tinkering. Rather than submit to having my floorboards ripped up à la "The Tell-Tale Heart," Bandwidth has elected to come clean regarding some of the more egregious examples of fiction that have found their way into the column. Consequences be damned. Some secrets simply can't be kept forever.

First off, I fully 'fess up to inventing the names of several imaginary local bands. But I shan't apologize -- I mean, it was my editors who didn't care enough to question the validity of a group of high-school hockey players from Davie who moonlighted as Burned-Off Face and the Fuckheads from Hell. And that's my fault? Plus, anyone with even a modicum of sense would instinctively know that there's no band playing -- anywhere -- called the Curb Muffins. Nor John Wayne Gacy and the Crawl Space Kids. Why should I feel bad about that?

Additionally, the majority of my story about the late, local, legendary Tibetan anal flautist Leonard "Duke" Dubuque was completely fabricated from fever dreams and false memories -- including the existence of the Tibetan anal flute and the subject of the piece. That faux pas I'll take the blame for; in fact, during the period stretching from October 2001 to late March 2002, I was fully off my meds. As such, there's nary a lick o' truth in anything I wrote back then. Mea culpa.

One of our area's more successful musical mad scientists, Eric Alexandrakis, is gifted with the ability to create quirky, category-defying noise, or simple, effective pop that doesn't stray far from that of his idols, Duran Duran. Alexandrakis, who lives in Miami, is currently currying favor at the same television network that brought you videos for "Hungry Like the Wolf," "Girls on Film," and "Rio." So far, MTV has licensed 33 Alexandrakis tunes, including ten for its Fraternity Life! and Sorority Life! series. "Dreamgirl," "My Rainy Day," and "Always So Far Away (From Me") are a few of his compositions that have already appeared on the programs.

"I've never been in a frat, and I'm not in one now," promises Alexandrakis, adding that MTV has been berry, berry good to him -- compared to his current South Florida situation, anyway.

"Man, I hope they make me wealthy, and I hope that they play every single song of mine and repeat it three times a day, 'cause the economy sucks!" he complains. "I've got some other things in the works TV- and film-wise which will hopefully pan out soon." His conveyor belt of creativity (which I described in "Four-Track Therapy" on October 10, 2001) shows no sign of abating; in fact, if anything, he's sped up the assembly line.

"I've got enough new material for four new albums, and the first one will hopefully be out in August/September," he relates. "It'll be volume one of a three- or four-part set called TERRA. A bit more melodic, with the occasional touch of paranoia. This one is supposed to be more colorful, cheery, fun, sing-along, boppy, etc. One of the songs MTV just licensed is the last track on [my] next album called 'Simon Le Bon for President. '" The aforementioned "Dreamgirl" and a song called "Hunting Venus," Alexandrakis reports, were picked to appear on an episode of the Warner Bros. comic-book drama Witchblade, but the show was subsequently canceled.

Additionally, National Public Radio's Car Talk has latched onto a new Alexandrakis tune called "I Need a New Car." And during a recent trip to Greece, which Alexandrakis visits frequently, he was featured in the glossy Greek pop culture digest Magazino. He has irons glowing in even more fires, but one of the most interesting places he's turned up of late has been on a compilation called 60 X 60 from Fort Hazel Music of Boise, Idaho. Alexandrakis' unreleased track "Attack of the Killer Dance Club Termites" is included on this CD, which features 60 independent artists, all with songs less than 60 seconds long. Decent exposure for a guy who plays infrequent, one-man shows from Kendall to West Palm Beach (this Saturday night, June 7, he performs in downtown Miami at the Wallflower Gallery).

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to get back to singlehandedly eliminating classical music in South Florida.


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