Kid Rock has established his place in American rock music pretty firmly. Since his 1999 multiplatinum album Devil Without a Cause, he's been dropping hit after hit. He does so well because he gives people exactly what they want.
You kind of like rap, but you like rock more? Kid's got you.You like rap-rock, but you want something a little more country? Kid's got you. You like Southern fried rap-rock but wanna kick back with the lady? Sheryl Crow and Kid got you. Country music is fine, but it's summer time, and I wanna party? Kid and zillions of samples from all the classic rock hits got you. You like to party but don't know what to drink? Kid and Jim Beam got you.
It's clear that he's not just a hit-making machine; he's a
cross-promotional marketing wizard. Here are three Kid Rock endorsements
we'd like to see in the not-too-distant future as we anticipate his Born Free Tour stop at Hard Rock Live in Hollywood on March 8, 2011.
Kid Rock's™ Rocksies™ brand Cereal
How Kid should pitch it: "Some mornings I want Crispix, and some mornings I want Chex, and most days, I want it all. That's why I came up with Kid Rock's™ Rocksies™ brand Cereal. Each spoonful is a tasty clusterfuck of 80 different flavors, just like my music. Yeah, it tastes pretty good with milk, but I pour Mountain Dew all over my shit. Why? Cuz, I'm the Kid, that's why."
Colonel Kid Rock's™ Detroit Fried Chicken
Kid's plausible pitch: "You think Kentucky invented fried chicken? Ha, hell no... they sampled it and remixed it -- well, guess what? I bought a bunch of KFC buckets wholesale, slapped my face on the bucket, and I am selling it back to you. Yeah, you like KFC, but you like it better when my hands have touched every single drumstick. I even took a bite or two out of each bucket. Now, that's some real shit."
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Little Caesars'® Kid Rock™ Style Hot-N-Ready Pizza
How Kid might sell it to us: "Five bucks for a pizza is pretty badass, but a pizza for you before you even order it -- well, that is some Jimi Hendrix-type innovation. Sure, the pizza doesn't taste awesome, but it knew you were coming to buy it. That's bold."