Limp Bizkit Signs to Cash Money; Not a Joke

"Call me Big Daddy when you back that azz up."
"Call me Big Daddy when you back that azz up."

Cash Money finally has a group softer than Drake on its roster: Limp Bizkit. We have no idea why the label would do such a thing. Fred Durst and company kind of have some hip-hop street cred; that's if you count the fact that hip-hop stars have made cameos in their videos and that sometimes they use "rap beats." 

We're not going out on a limb when we say they bring nothing good, new, or fun to either hard rock, rap, or rap-rock. Perhaps Durst paid them a handsome sum of cash to let them be on the label. Maybe Cash Money is totally misguided as to what rockers listen to these days. Maybe we don't know what is really up and there really is a musical void that only Limp Bizkit as produced by Mannie Fresh can fill.

We do know this: Cash Money lets its artists do whatever they want. That means, Wes Borland, no need to worry -- your freaky-deaky eyes and bloody neon space-chimp costumes will be welcomed with open arms.

When we talk shit, we like to back it up with visual evidence. So, here are five possible reasons -- in video format -- why this is a terrible idea for Cash Money.

"Break Stuff"

This "badass" song has cameos by Snoop, Eminem, and Pauly Shore, a bromantic face-to-face dance-off with Korn's Jonathan Davis, boobies in muscle shirts, and little kids cursing. 

The video makes us think, "Dude, Fred Durst looks like the type of guy who'd steal your credit card information and go on a Champs Sporting Goods shopping spree." But, we gotta admit, Jonathan Davis' silk shirt is exquisite.

"N 2 Gether Now"

This is totally a hip-hop song. Method Man and F-Dizzle are living in the Kung-Fu Matrix. They're bouncing off the walls, videogame style. If this song has been danced to by anyone at a club anywhere in the USA, we'd be surprised, though. But Pauly Shore makes a cameo! Again!


What the hell is wrong with these guys? This thing is mad expensive and confusing to watch. This wasn't ever cool.

"Behind Blue Eyes"

Deep. Bro. Before T-Pain embraced Auto-Tune, frontmen like Durst would use it to make them sound like they could sing. Sneaky bastard.


No. This is a joke. Cash Money, you are making a prank on us, right?

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