Night Watch: Mellow Mushroom
25 SE Sixth Ave., Delray Beach.
Call 561-330-3040, or visit here.
Sometimes being "mellow" isn't exactly on my high-strung agenda, but nothing slows me down into a heavy-lidded euphoria like a good strong brew.
What's your most popular beer?" I asked our pretty, pierced waitress. "That depends on what you like," she replied. "I like as much alcohol as possible," I said. "Then you'll probably want the Weyerbacher Blithering Idiot," she said. "It's a copper ale with 11 percent alcohol." Nice.
I was seated with a group of friends at a round table in the middle of
Delray's psychedelic Mellow Mushroom. To my right was a full-wall mural
Gay Men's Chorus of South Florida, Inc.
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Trans-Siberian Orchestra Presented by Hallmark Channel
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of the Beatles' Abbey Road album cover -- except, in this doctored
painting of the classic cover, the quartet was depicted striding through
a Delray Beach crosswalk.
Various Technicolor tie-dye-styled paintings of album covers -- Pink
Floyd, the Police, Rolling Stones, Green Day -- lined the remaining red
walls. Ubiquitous caricatures of anthropomorphic mushrooms added to the
bar's hallucinogenic 1960s appeal. The hot spot exuded a deliciously
college vibe, but the patrons ranged from elderly couples to gangs of
teens with shaved heads and emo eyeglasses. I witnessed some examples of
very impressive facial hair, and one tattooed chick was sporting a
round glow-in-the-dark necklace as a fashion accessory. Outside, a young
guy in the patio corner crooned and strummed an acoustic guitar,
producing both beautiful melodies and occasional blasphemy (have you
ever heard an ultramellow version of Johnny Cash's "Ring of Fire"? You
don't want to.)
The beverage menu is basically never-ending, and the drinks come cheap.
Ultimately, though, the high-quality assortment of beer is the Mellow
Mushroom's money shot. It's got everything: standard beers,
international brews, bottles, drafts, and exotic flavors. It serves pale
ales, like Dogfish Head (9 percent alcohol); dark ales, like the "Mack
in Black" (8 percent); and even super-special-sounding brews, like "Monk
in the Trunk," an organic amber ale (5.5 percent). I settled on the
Holy Mackerel, a tasty 8-percenter.
The bar area had tiled walls, a shitload of beer spigots, and
flat-screen TVs. The bartenders buzzed around, and patrons came and
went, but Dave seemed to be in an alcohol-induced, slow-motion euphoria.
He wore a ball cap, dark T-shirt, and yellow Livestrong bracelet.
"This is the best place in Delray," he said. "Pizza and beer: the staples of life."
"That's true," chimed in Maria, who was beautiful, with olive skin and long, black hair.
"Plus the bartenders are great; they all know our names," said Dave, pointing at one of the busy bartenders. "Especially David."
"Well, once we got past the fact that he's a Red Sox fan," said Maria, only half-joking.
"The beer is great, though," said Dave. "They've got 100 different
kinds, and when you have each kind, you get your name on the wall.
"I did it in two months," he continued. "But Mr. Tim did it in two weeks."
"Oh my God, that's seven beers a day," I said.
"Tim did it on a bet and ended up getting his tab paid for," Dave said.
"Well, liver destruction is OK if it's on someone else's dime, I guess," I said. "What about you, Maria?"
"Never," she said. "I never will be on that wall."
I walked a few feet over to the wall and stared at the engravings. Sure
enough, Mr. Tim was on there, with this cryptic subtitle: "2 weeks."
Other beer-sampling champs included Z, Kaitlin, and Blanco.
"It's not the Vietnam Memorial," said a nearby wiseass. "Quit staring."
Our drinks had arrived, so I skedaddled back over to my friends' table.
"To successful endeavors," my friend Beard toasted once we'd all
received our booze. We clinked glasses. Next to me, a foxy girlfriend
was downing a milky pink fluid. I could smell the alcohol emanating from
I jacked a swig -- it was delicious, fruity, and tequila-laden.
"That's like my second or third," Foxy said.
"What's the drink called?" I asked our waitress.
She looked embarrassed. "I can't say it out loud; it has a swear word."
"We're all adults here," I said.
"It's a PFM -- Pink Fuck Me," she said. "Named because it leads to people hooking up."
I knew I liked this place.
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