Opinion: Leave Chris Brown and Rihanna Alone Unless You're Suggesting a Couples Counselor
Love is weird. Love is strange. There are people who will tell you confidently that love is beautiful, pure, magical, everywhere. Those people are either crazy or incredibly lucky. I hate those people sometimes, and I'm pretty sure right now that Rihanna's feeling that same way.
On Monday, New Times writer Ryan Morejon shared his opinion on the Chris Brown Rihanna reunion. Although I agree with him on points -- you know, like about how it's inherently wrong for a dude to beat up a lady -- I had a different perspective on the scene overall. To simplify the differences, while Ryan felt the Crystals' "He Hit Me (It Felt Like a Kiss)" described their situation best, I think Mickey and Sylvia's "Love Is Strange" is more appropriate. I wasn't in the car when the beat down occurred. I don't know what Rihanna like feels inside. I have no idea if Brown's anger management classes worked out for him. But damn, love is strange and sometimes really ugly.
It would be wise for me to say that I don't condone men beating up
women. So, I'll say it: I don't condone men beating up women. It's pretty hard to justify
any guy pummeling a female or a child or a dog. But as hard as it is to admit, if you know a little something about adult codependency:
There are two people in every relationship, and so two adult people are consenting to the activities therein. Getting involved again with someone
who roughed you up, this falls under the codependent umbrella.
Last year, I wrote something that could been taken as a semi-apologist article on Chris Brown. The more I read about the situation, the more I could relate to both parties involved on some level. When young and amped up, often we find ourselves in relationships that are unhealthy and at times violent. It's hard to see these two as normal 21-year-olds whose ridiculous fight got way, way, way out of hand. (If you forget the details, click here. They're not cute) But they were barely adults, and crazy, and he definitely beat the crap out of her.
Along the lines of Oprah and Jay-Z's responses to this reunion, this is their business. In RiRi's recent Vogue interview, she wants
us all to get the fuck over it.
what goes on between them. From the outside, it seems it's our job to judge not accept. If
we were her close friends, I'm certain our opinion would be different --
either we'd hate him more or understand that codependent relationships
take two and this is how theirs is playing out. Besides, with all of that money and influence and fame, how can we plebs even begin to grasp their power dynamic?
"I have not been on a date in forever. Like two years. Haven't gone to the movies, to dinner. Zero. I would love to go on a date," she said frankly during the interview. "You don't think that? I'm a woman. A young woman, vibrant, and I love to have fun. ... Seriously, all I want is a guy to take me out and make me laugh for a good hour and take my ass back home. He doesn't even have to come up. All I want is a conversation for an hour."
Her groans about having no dating life come after she and her ex-boyfriend Chris Brown have been spotted out and about together over the past few weeks, with Brown even splitting from his longtime girlfriend and admitting that his friendship with Rihanna was making things difficult."To the world, I feel like there's no closure," she explained of her relationship with Brown. "There's some obsession that's continued even throughout when we weren't friends or couldn't be friends at all. Hated each other. The world hasn't let go. They haven't seen any progress in our friendship, because they don't see anything, really, besides the song.""So now it's a bit of a fascination, I guess," she continued, still addressing the public's fixation on her and Brown's relationship. "I don't know if people will stop soon, but I feel like as soon as they have closure to it, they will. But they're not on the inside. They can't see what I see, unless they're sitting in my point of view. I guess I'll learn to accept that."
Fighting is one way we negotiate things in relationships, but it can
also be indicative of immaturity or deep-rooted monster behavior.
beating has always stuck with me. Rihanna reportedly took Brown's car keys
and threw them down the street. A few months before this incident, I had someone do that same crazy shit to me. I cannot describe to
you how impossibly incensed it made me, and I wasn't that young. Brown, a 21-year-old wannabe
thug, took his anger out physically. He's forever going to live with
that shame and stigma as is Rihanna.
years later, she still loves him and has forgiven him. That's honestly her
motherfucking business. Hopefully, it's not just 'cause she can't get out on a date with anyone else. In no way does it sound, according to the above quotes, as if she's feeling like a victim of Chris Brown, but rather a victim of our judgements. She's a somewhat empowered young woman who
wants to be with a totally damaged dude. All the ladies out there, does
this not sound familiar? Perhaps though, she's a really great liar. Time will tell.
Either way, I'm surprised with what grace the young singer
is handling all the negative attention coming her way. All eyes on her, in this situation, must be incredibly stressful. Money and fame, whatever, it's embarrassing to be judged.
Is he going to try to strangle her again? Is
she going to throw his keys down the street once more? That would be
pretty uncomfortable for them, the rest of the world smugly looking on. Maybe he grew up. Maybe not. Their relationship is likely still toxic. Some just are. Those are the ones you return to, 'cause just maybe this time you'll fix something there or find out it wasn't your fault. Sometimes you need a second spoonful of the shitty, old crystalized ice cream before you
decide, no, yup, this sucks.
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