Rap Shirts for White People Are Painfully Accurate
Whoa! Check it out! The internet did something funny again! Oh, internet. You're too much. The latest soon-to-be-viral phenomenon addresses a serious issue that many aren't sensitive to in our day and age -- that it's hard out here for a white person. So damned hard. And for those porcelain-fleshed, plaid-shorts-wearing beings so inclined to grasp onto any bit of culture and pretend it's their own, it's even harder.
Despite being in the highly diversified South Florida, we still have our fair share of white-boy bros who don't exclusively rap out to Macklemore and Eminem. They treat all rappers with the same feigned understanding. For those freckled fellows who shout "THIS IS MY SHIIIIIIIT!" upon hearing a song about coming up from the streets, Rap Shirts for White People is for you!
Yes, these are exactly what they sound like. They take famous rap lines and make them a little more relatable for all the crackers out there. What a good deed, amirite? Let's take a look at some of our favorites and read a few of our own.
Mmmmm girl. We love the way you handle large sums of money. When we get you by ourselves, you know what's going down. Girl, imma pitch you my idea for drinkable yogurt. Girl, imma show you my designs for foldable hangers. Call me a visionary, you should back my startup.
And we love bread, bread, that's our fuckin' problem. But gluten is like, so bad for you. Like, it makes you fat. Not phat, but like, fat. Not cute. Have you heard of the Coke Cleanse? It's when you only drink watered-down cocaine. No carbs! You might OD, but you'll look like, sooooooo good.
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To be fair, Drake, who sang, "started from the bottom/now we here" didn't really start from the bottom. He started as Canada's favorite sensitive, wheelchair-bound cutie on Degrassi. He mostly raps about #heartbreak, and we can only assume white guys weep over his lyrics in their parked Toyota Priuses. Cheer up, guys. We bet the Mad Men season finale will be really good!
But, are white girls really known for their self-respect? We're not slut shaming or whatever; bet the term "White Girl Wasted" isn't just a term. Also, to every Nicki Minaj, there's an Iggy Azalea, and more obviously, the culture-snatching extraordinaire herself, Miley Cyrus. Well, we guess if we can pretend white girls twerking is supercool, we can pretend that self-respect brings all the boys to the yard.
All I want for my birthday, is an organic acai berry smoothie.
That was fun, wasn't it? We like these shirts so much, we came up with some of our own. Enjoy:
"She gotta soy latte, so I call her Soy Latte."
"Wake up (drank)/ Omelet (drank)/ Gmail (drank)/ Promotion (drank)"
"You down with GOP? Yeah, you know me."
"Gap city bitch, Gap, Gap city bitch."
"I gotta rufie in my pocket and my frat bros do too!"
"Got my in-laws in Utah, and we're gonna go camping."
"I'm liable to go Michael, take your pick. J-Fox, Schumacher, Douglas, Wall Street."
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