As millennials -- the underemployed, overeducated, and generally worthless young adults of today's North America -- we will always have a special place in our heart for Pamela Anderson's sex tape with Tommy Lee.
Not that we've seen it. OK, fine, we've seen it. And you know what? It's not even that fucking good! Tommy Lee is more than kind of a little gross, and most of the damned video is lovey-dovey, shmoopy couple bullshit. Ain't nobody got time for that!
But it was the first time we ever even began to consider that anybody -- never mind many of the most famous people in the world -- film themselves getting they swerveses on.
At this point, the phenomenon is old hat. Your grandmother and your children have all seen Kim Kardashian repeatedly fake an orgasm while Ray J slurps on her nostrils.
Following the release of the aforementioned Kardashian footage (the Last Great American Sex Tape), Brandy's lil bro breathed new life into the practice with his 2008 single "Sexy Can I," a dy-no-mite pop-R&B ditty and explicit attempt to capitalize on the footage that he and Kim probably leaked on purpose in the first place.
Well, Ray J is at it again, once more contributing to the innovation of constructing one's music career around one sex tape. And this time he's talking mad shit!
Ray's latest is "I Hit It First," a miserably honest affirmation that the MC and vocalist did in fact engage in carnal relations with Kim Kardashian before, uh, other people. This includes -- and is probably, like, directly aimed at -- Kimmy's boo and impregnator, Kanye West.
In fact, J drops more than one hint that Yeezy is right within his moisturized and well-manicured crosshairs.
For example, the track references the shawty-subject at hand moving "on to rappers and ball players" (hmmm). And Ray J even goes as far as to drop the following audacious couplet: "I had her head going North and her ass going South/But now baby chose to go West."
Wait, who gives a goddamned shit? Is Ray suggesting that nobody had ever hit it before him? Can somebody fact-check that? Because unless we all watched Kim lose her virginity, Ray is definitely opening himself up to a dis directed at him: "Actually, I Hit It First."
Here's hoping Kanye responds with something like that "Fuck Jay-Z" song Nas did way back when.