Friday, August 17, 2012 at 9 a.m.
According to an interview on DJ Drama's radio show
, our dude Lil Wayne is kinda leaving the the rap game to pursue skateboarding full-time. Wayne cleverly said on the show, "I feel like the fans deserve a little no Wayne." We here at County Grind find it just a tad fuckin' odd that Tunechi (self-proclaimed Martian) publicly revisited his retirement plans again around the same time 'Merica landed on Mars. Is that synchronicity, or is there even an explanation in the English language for this type of cosmic event?
Keeping in step with the trend of rappers Ping-Ponging back and forth in and out of retirement, this may not last long. Maybe one appearance on a Tony Hawk game and Weezy'll be fully back where he belongs, making Dedication 5.
Let's be real, though; sloppy kickflips can't be the only thing Wayne is up to during this hiatus. We're pretty sure he's finding a few more interesting things to do with his time. Here's how we think Weezy's keeping busy:
Weezy's surprised but pleased at Lady Edith's recent transformation from bitch to caretaker. But the real reason he watches is 'cause it's fun to root for Mary and Matthew. Will those two actually get together?
Catch up on Downton Abbey
Between Carter IV and making that "Motivation" money, he hasn't been able to fully catch up on Downton Abbey. Inside sources say he's on episode three of season one, and he's got 'em all TiVo'd. Though with all of the Breaking Bad and Game of Thrones episodes he's got recorded, his hard drive is filling up quickly. So, Weezy's gotta sweep through these Downton Abbey episodes real soon or else he won't be able to watch episode five of Girls either. It's complicated.
Opening up a Crossfit Gym
Crossfit gyms are the new fro-yo joints: They're fuckin' everywhere. We'd like to tickle the idea that Lil Wayne is down to make people do burpies and shit. You're familiar with those Mountain Dew radio ads where Weezy F Baby waxes weird about how not stereotypical he is. Opening a Crossfit gym would totally solidify Wayne's normal-dude status.
Name of gym: Crossfit Mobb.
Side note: This particular crossfit building will have only walls surrounding it -- no ceilings.
Wayne! Stop staring and get back to the Stairmaster.
Opening a Frozen Yogurt place
Come to think of it, a fro-yo spot would be a perfect enterprise for Lil Wayne to slide into. According to his interview with DJ Drama, rap has become real boring for Tunechi. Maybe what he needs is a real challenge, like opening up an ice cream joint in a very saturated ice cream joint market.
He already has the upper hand. He can have DJ Khaled and Rick Ross make cameo appearances on opening day, twitpic it, let it circulate around the internet. Hey, Lil Wayne's fro-yo joint could be the next King of Diamonds! Drake won't rap about Stadium in DC anymore, he'll floss about snatching that 20 ounce red velvet yogurt with cheesecake topping. Chyeea you already!
Taking up Pilates
The music industry is very stressful. There's no more trendy or healthy way of remedying tension than by taking up pilates. We're pretty sure Weezy reaches his center almost every day with the help of some purrp and loving instruction from a hot pilates teacher. He'll most likely make friends with the moms in class and sip on flirtinis after a great workout. A modest cameo appearance by DJ Khaled and Rozay will make him the most popular person in class.
We've deliberated and decided: Lil Wayne just really feels like a good fit for the show.
Become a judge on Chopped
The one missing ingredient (ill, let's never use this word in the context of food ever again) in Chopped is nonculinary judges. Like Lil Wayne, actually. Maybe all we wanna see is Lil Wayne saying a dish is "very rustic but needs more texture. All in all, this shit is so not stereotypical." Guys, let's make this happen. Please.