Remember that time you came back from college one weekend to find the interior of your mom's suburban home transformed into a porno set, a couple of naked amateurs straddled over the granite kitchen counter tops?
Or the time you visited your friend's trendy new loft apartment in Fat Village for a couple casual cocktails, only to spend the entire evening stealing glimpses of the porno shoot going down in the loft across the courtyard through a pair of old binoculars?
What about the time you were walking your dog down your neighborhood street when you could have sworn you saw the Bang Bros van drive by?
Let's face it: Porn is everywhere, and especially here in South Florida, where an abundance of gays, swingers, soccer moms, and other crafty entrepreneurs all have a hand in the lucrative pot that is the business of sex.
As one of the industry's highest profile events, the EXXXotica Expo, descends upon Fort Lauderdale this weekend, we can't help but let our imaginations run wild with X-rated thoughts of porn stars and die-hard sex enthusiasts running amok all over our great city.
To quell our naughty thoughts, we thought it best to just let them all out and have you, our readers, partake in the fantasies. So, here it is, a list of Fort Lauderdale porno scenes we think ought to be. Don't worry, in the name of good taste (and avoiding any legal action), we'll keep it soft core.
Night at the Museum: Discovering Her Science
It's nighttime on the riverfront, and Tommy has something really special planned for Jenna, the petite lab assistant he's been crushing on for months. It's her birthday, they've got the whole Museum of Discovery and Science to themselves, and Tommy's ready to finally seal the deal.
Things heat up on the Serengeti as the couple becomes enveloped in the total sensory explosion that is the IMAX movie experience. Tommy shows Jenna his snake under the sexy red light of the reptile room before the adventure finally reaches its peak in the Runways to Rockets exhibit, where they climb aboard a flight simulator and blast off into the pleasureverse.
Bladez n' Gloryholes
Sandy and Amber love rollerblading down the Fort Lauderdale Beach boardwalk while scoping out all the tan, buff bros playing paddle ball by the surf. Growing parched from the hot sun and even hotter beach bods, the girls roll over to Blondies, where they chug a few ice cold Bud Lights before heading back past the arcade games to the little girls' room. That's when things get interesting...
EXXXtra! Hot at the Press!
Crystal has been swooning over Brock for years, ever since her cubicle at the Sun-Sentinel office was relocated across from his. Day in and day out, Crystal melts listening to Brock's strong, hungry voice question witnesses over the phone as he strives to uncover the story and deliver the hardtruth.
Little does she know the six foot five staff reporter has been too shy to reveal his own true feelings. That is, until today. When Brock finds Crystal sobbing at her cubicle after news breaks that her beloved Rain Tree is getting torn down to make way for a fancy new apartment building, a flood of emotions overcomes them both. The ringing phone is knocked off the hook as Brock hoists Crystal up onto the desk...
Welcome to the Gayborhood
Sammy didn't know Johnny was into swinging until after they'd moved into their cute Wilton Manors townhouse. Their neighbors Bruce and Tony were undeniably sexy, and incredibly forward when they stopped by to deliver a gift basket of pinot grigio, assorted Himalayan salts, and a dildo. At first, Sammy feels incredibly shy, and jealous, but as the men take turns peeling off layers of each others clothes, revealing burly pecs and gorgeous manscaping, he lets go, letting the magic of the foursome take over.
Las Olas: Banging on the Boulevard
Two unnamed Las Olas attorneys rendezvous in the bathroom of the Starbucks across the street from the Bank of America building. Tearing off each other's pencil skirt and power tie, the contents of their briefcases explode over the bathroom floor, depositions and case files flying everywhere as the two hunch over into a climax of pure ecstasy.
Rock Hard Sex Hotel and Casino
A couple of Canadian vacationers win big and head back to their room to celebrate. The ghost of Anna Nicole Smith appears and a champagne and cocaine-fueled threesome ensues.
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!