Ten Musical Things You Can Do to Improve Your South Florida Summer
You can spend your summer months tripping balls while the A/C unit in your mom's trailer blasts wet-smelling, cold air at your melting face, or you can find something kind of cool to do with your time. Just because it feels like you're living in Lucifer's clammy crotch from May to October doesn't mean there's nothing musical you can create or enjoy while sweating a ton.
Because we want you to be productive and help the scene thrive, even when it's in great need of hydration, we've put together ten good-enough ideas related to music that you can do during the never-ending days of swamp ass and heat stroke.
10. Learn to play an instrument and then start a band.
You see the order we put that in? Instrument first, band second? Sure you can make a band and learn to play after, and we respect that sense of overdeveloped self-confidence. We really do.
But the summer is long, it's 90 million degrees, and what the hell else are ya doing? Why not take a guitar lesson or two first? Maybe learn how to read music. Sounds nuts, we know. Use this time to become musically responsible and help build a group with some skills and not just stage presence.
TicketsFri., Dec. 9, 8:00pm
Ms. Lauryn Hill - The MLH Caravan: A Diaspora Calling! Concert Series
TicketsFri., Dec. 9, 8:30pm
South Florida Pride Wind Ensemble: Holiday Treasures
TicketsSat., Dec. 10, 7:00pm
TicketsSat., Dec. 10, 8:00pm
Symphony of the Americas: Holiday Magic
TicketsSun., Dec. 11, 2:00pm
9. Host a hipster or hippie pool party.
We don't give a hoot what kind of shitty tunes you're blaring poolside, but you do need to play something when getting crispy and damp in your backyard. Your friends will appreciate your fine discretion in crafting a flawless playlist. Just make sure you include refreshments of the intoxicating sort. And towels.
8. Get a drum circle going on the beach.
Call us old, but we remember the days of drum circles on the sand. What's that you say? You're too cool for a sweet twilight beach breeze or a late-night skinny dip to the sound of maracas? Then you're too cool for fun. That video up there? It screams "FUN!"
If you don't know the joy of spending time with an animal, then you don't know the even more joyful experience of singing songs to that creature. Just replace words to radio hits with the name of your pet. You'll please more than one mammal with this summer fun musical endeavor.
6. Try one of these twerk workouts.
You know what the problem with South Florida is? You have to not look crappy ever at the beach. You always have to have a flattering bathing suit no matter what your physique. Big is beautiful in SoFla, but more so, big booty is beautiful. So get thee to a twerk class and start firming up that tush. You'll hit the beach like a motherfucking wrecking ball. That's right. We went there.
5. Memorize Monty Python Sings.
This may seem random, but there's nothing more fun than singing the many words for penises or about sitting on faces. It's what summer is all about, especially if you're about 13 and you're so nerdy that you know no one will want to have sex with you for at least another five years. (Full disclosure: We know all the words to these songs.)
4. Take a musical road trip.
Get the hell out of here. No one wants you here. Well, maybe your dog and your mom do, but we think you need a break from the swamp. But why not head up to Bonnaroo in Tennessee this June, or go farther north to Chicago in July for the Pitchfork Music Festival, and then drive over to Ohio the next weekend for the Gathering of the Juggalos. You have a few months to save some dough. If you have some real cash, you can make it all the way to Europe, where the good shows are.
3. Stay in town for some summer festivals.
Certainly the well is pretty dry musically during the summer months in South Florida, but there are a few landmark events coming. The Warped Tour heads to Cruzan on July 26, and there's the Mad Decent Block Party tour, which kicks off the same day in Fort Lauderdale at Revolution Live. See, you can rave or skank this summer. Do whatever your feet tell ya.
2. Find shades that don't slip off your sweaty nose when onstage.
If you're already a musician, you know the problems you face as a sweat factory onstage. There's rings of wetness around your pits and between your boobs. You gotta be careful not to slide around on the shit that's dripping off you. But most important, if you're playing outside or for some reason think it's acceptable to wear sunglasses at night, you need your shades to stay on your face. You've got a few weeks to show up sweaty at your local Sunglass Hut and start head banging as you try on your next pair of sunglasses.
1. Write beach songs...
Or just sing Beach Boys songs on the beach. God, we know how to have fun around here, don't we?
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