We've said it before and, goddammit, we'll say it again: No single musical act has sold out the anti-establishment ethics of punk rock more thoroughly than Green Day.
Whether they're recording commercials for Rhapsody, or (gulp) composing another Broadway musical, there's no doubt the band has traded in power chords and sneering for the fresh'n'minty, endlessly chiming sound of the cash register. Cha-ching.
And it looks like the legendary pop-punk trio plans to milk their former legitimacy in every which way until they disband, or Peak Oil sparks the global conflict that preempts the Mayan Apocalypse and finally frees us from this mortal coil and/or the existential burden of Instagramming brunch. Whichever happens first.
According to our calculations, this makes good ol' BJ one of the least hardcore dudes we can possibly imagine. In fact, check the jump for a hearty list of musicians way, way more punk rock than the man responsible for so much public embarrassment.
10. Medieval Minstrels Are More Punk Rock than Billie Joe
Traveling the countryside relaying musical tales of nymphs and swords in stones does not immediately conjure an image of the Sex Pistols sailing down the River Thames blasting "God Saves The Queen." But upon closer inspection it's absolutely undeniable that these musical vagabonds are precursors to the contemporary train hopping crusty. Let her eat the rest of your tofu scramble and she'll be pluckin' a banjo and singin' hobo tunes in no time.
Need a model for how to stay true to your crew? Look no further than the Dark Carnival. If given the option to attend The Gathering of the Juggalos or a live taping of The Voice, you can bet your strawberry Faygo that we'll be getting down with the clown.
8. Schroeder from Peanuts is More Punk Rock than Billie Joe
While posers like Green Day's front man are all about the Benjamins, true punx are all about the music (maaan). You're not going to find Peanuts' pianist Schroeder playing at Carnegie Hall. The sonic savant is more likely to be raging at an unofficial basement show during Chaos in Tejas.
7. Carly Rae Jepsen is More Punk Rock than Billie Joe
Armstrong might think he's a real gender bender with those thick globs of mascara he cakes on. But it's actually Carly Rae Jepsen who is the authentic anarcho-feminist. She's not content to wait around for the patriarchy to holler at her. Shawty is fully prepared to take the means of flirting into her own hands. It might be crazy. Call her, maybe.
6. Tupac's Hologram is More Punk Rock than Billie Joe
Holograms subvert the dominant capitalist paradigm of living and dying. Plus, a digitally resurrected Makaveli is only a stage dive away from a doped-up and pixelated Sid Vicious.
5. The Backstreet Boys are More Punk Rock than Billie Joe
We can only imagine the entirety of the international pandemic known as The Blogosphere violently erupting at the suggestion that too-pretty '90s crooners could be more punk rock than the group who wrote Dookie (or 1039/Smoothed Out Slappy Hours for that matter). Well, we're saluting BSB for their honesty. At least they admitted they were a boy band from the get-go.
4. Snoop Lion is More Punk Rock Than Billie Joe
If Green Day and their completely neutered leading man have any desire to reconnect with the punk scene, they need to follow the example of Snoop Lion and start playing reggae. Hey, it worked for Bad Brains? Or did it?
2. Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem is More Punk Rock than Billie Joe
OK, maybe this one isn't fair. The Electric Mayhem is practically the second coming of Crass. Even at the height of their stoned stinky slacker era, the members of Green Day look like the Reagan Administration next to Dr. Teeth.
1. Skrillex is More Punk Rock than Billie Joe
Eighties hardcore transformed slam dancing from a wild new youth fad and into a lifestyle. Nowadays, every sub-scene has a highly personalized method of getting caught in a mosh. Punks run in a circle. Ska-punks run in a circle like Rock'em Sock'em Robots. And hardcore kids are known for a karate mosh-style not entirely unlike capoeira. But none of these outmoded techniques stand a chance against the almighty wobble mosh of the Skrillex pit. Who gives a shit about Billie Joe Armstrong's opinion of amateur vocalists? We wanna see him hold his own in a dubstep dungeon.