There is nothing wrong with figuratively going over the edge at a Phish show. In fact, that can be part of the fun. But there is such a thing as poor form, and there is no excuse for the behavior at Jones Beach in New York earlier this week where a "phan" fell 25 feet from the balcony. Concert safety is paramount. We at the Heady Department of County Grind feel that the only "dropping" that should happen at Phish shows is the kind that involves alchemical wizardry. So, we came up this ten-step guide to help save people's skulls and surrender their minds at a Phish show.
1. Spend time in nature preshow, if possible. This will relax you and heighten your sensitivity to funky rhythms. To really get "out there" at the show, it's necessary to do this prep work beforehand. If there are no good natural spots in the vicinity of the venue, simply hanging out with certain plants, on a molecular level, will suffice.
2. While hanging in the lot, give bass player Mike Gordon's hotline a buzz. Lend your voice to the never-ending project of keeping cactus loved and weird. Connecting with Mike in this way before the show will help you break through to the other side later on. Be sure, though, that your message meets Gordon's very specific requirements.
"Mike, I'd love to smell you sneeze tonight."
3. Before heading into the show, consume only authentic lot food. Having un-sacred food stuff in the system may bog you down. May we recommend what many regularly find to be "the only falafel in the universe"?
"And a pickle, baby!"
4. Once inside the venue, find a good spot make friends with your neighbors. You're about to lose your minds together.
5. Become one with the sacred ground. By merging one's brain with the rhythm of the lawn, one connects to all the people of the lawn through the soles of their feet. Have a friend collect the liquefied sole rhythm in a container so that it may be ceremoniously consumed at set break.
6. When the music begins, let it move your entire being (as exemplified below by friend of the Heady Department, Steven Beamen)
7. At set break, consume the liquefied sole rhythm and surrender to the flow. Embody the spirit, no matter how much it makes you stand out among a group of relaxed concertgoers.
8. Do not panic when the music starts up again (did it ever stop?) and things start to become very intense. You're entering a wonderful plane of existence.
9. We repeat, don't panic. When you come out of your ecstatic, hallucinatory bliss to the smell of Mike Gordon's sneeze, your preshow prayer is simply being answered for having accessed Cactus via hyperdimension groove warp.
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10. When Gordon has turned into a watermelon and you have found yourself to be back in the parking lot, cut a slab of the melon and eat up. Tomorrow is another night on tour, and you need your nourishment.