Ten Worst Florida Bands of All Time
Florida is a swamp filled with crazy people -- mostly rednecks and political refugees -- who are so far removed from the rest of civilization and its myriad, sanity-sustaining social contracts that their screws can't help but loosen more every day.
To be fair, crazy people have their place in society. Sometimes, somebody needs to get the party started, and it's usually the person in the room with the least number of metaphorical "marbles." And very often, nutzoids are responsible for some of the best tunes making their way around the Facebook reshare circuit.
However, crazy people have also been known to make really shitty music too. And because Florida has a higher-than-average percentage of whack-jobs, County Grind is sad to report that we produce an exorbitant number of bands and solo artists that make us ashamed to admit we were born here.
Roll up your sleeves and double-dose the klonopin and/or omeprazole. 'Cause we're about to list the ten worst bands from Florida of all freakin' time. We mean every last word of every single thing typed after the jump and believe what we've written with the infallible orthodox mysticism (and old-world bloodlust) of a Muslim cleric in tribal Kurdistan.
School of Rock
TicketsSun., Dec. 11, 6:30pm
TicketsSun., Dec. 11, 7:30pm
Gay Men's Chorus of South Florida, Inc.
TicketsSun., Dec. 11, 8:00pm
Ms. Lauryn Hill - The MLH Caravan: A Diaspora Calling! Concert Series
TicketsSun., Dec. 11, 8:30pm
Gold Coast Jazz: Jon Faddis Quartet
TicketsWed., Dec. 14, 7:45pm
Underoath (we refuse to use "ø" again), has the deck stacked against them... And they're the first band! Which means we have our work (talking a tremendous amount of radioactive bullshit) cut out for us. So, yeah, in addition to spelling its name with "ø," this crew is a Christian Metal-cøre band from Tampa. We would repeat that heinously raw string of adjectives for emphasis, but we're neither sadists nor masochists. We are nihilists. And nihilists don't care about Jesus, moshing, or anything.
An Orlando nü-metal band nobody cares about is only slightly less acceptable than evangelical mosh music. They were originally called "JoJo" but that was not nearly as mooked out as the band's final selection, or, rather, the selection RCA label execs made for them. Those dudes had MBAs that clued them into the fact that "Skrape" lends itself much more to being licensed for montages featuring skaters wiping out hard. Though we must admit: This band is most certainly the aural equivalent of bashing your femur on a handrail while filming a skate video with your brahs.Next Page
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