The 54th Annual Grammy Awards Live Blog

Ladies and gentleman, it's Grammy night. Here on County Grind, we're doing something a little extra special for it. That's right, we're live blogging all the shenanigans. Are you an Adeleophile? Or are you totally over her? Are you just as confused as we are about this "Dance/Electronica" segment that features the Foo Fighters AND Chris Brown? Why is Chris Brown even allowed to perform at the Grammys?

We'll be covering all this nonsense, shit talking, and exchanging hilarious banter that might drive you to drink, but bet it'll be more fun than watching the Walking Dead premiere. Ok, maybe not, but please join in the fun as Music Editor Liz Tracy and Club Editor Betsey J. Denberg live blog the 54th Annual Grammy Awards.

Just keep hitting refresh.

ET: LMFAO! It's what's in here (heart), and what's in here (crotch).

9:16pm
[The Beach Boys Tribute & Reunion]
BD: Wait, Maroon 5? Where are the Beach Boys?
ET: That was incredible. Everyone was like, huh?
ET: Where are the Beach Boys, I asked. My parents just said, "They'll be wheeling them out soon."
ET: This is the most romantic song ever. Makes me weepy ("Surfer Girl").
BD: He makes me romantic. I'll be Adam Levine's surfer girl.
ET: He's not entirely butchering it, but my ears are a little offended.
BD: Ok, but still. Where are the Beach Boys?
ET: Who is this dweeb? This is another fantastically romantic song.
BD: Foster the Who? Why are they even up on stage?
ET: Betsey, that's your boyfriend.
ET: Is that Chuck Klosterman on the drums? (Sorry, Chuck.)
ET: Standing O? Really?
BD: Standing for the fake Beach Boys?
BD: Wow this is trippy.
ET: Say good vibrations one more time Ryan. I dare you.
BD: Oh he is out to lunch.
ET: I knew it'd be a psychedelic freakout.
ET: Pleased.
BD: I like the embroidered hat. His mouth is barely moving.
ET: They sound better than I would have expected.
BD: Oh, get those dorks off the stage. The extras, not the Beach Boys.
ET: It's impossible to not sing along.
BD: I wish I was on acid for that.

9:30pm
[Paul McCartney]
ET: My dad just said, "I wonder why Stevie's not there."
BD: Ah, yes!
ET: Love you, Stevie!
BD: Who cares about the next performer? Get on stage, Stevie!
ET: Well, it's Paul McCartney.
BD: Yeah, Yeah.
ET: He has the hair of a toddler.
BD: This is really putting me to sleep. I want to be back on my acid trip with the BB.
BD: Wow, that was painful.
ET: Aw, Paul is cute.
BD: There are some pretty random presenters this year.
ET: Gil Scott-Heron. Yes, please! Wait, this is the revolution? This that's being televised?
BD: Please R. Kelly get on stage and win.
ET: And the Grammy goes to... R. Kelly!
BD: Dammit. (On Chris Brown's win)
ET: Hot damn. Look at him now.
BD: Where is his shirt?
ET: Team Breezy.
BD: Oh god. The Civil Wars. My favorite band.
ET: The Civil Wars, you're familiar with them.
BD: This is their only good and fun song.
ET: Well, then glad they picked this one to perform.

9:40pm
[Taylor Swift]
BD: Yes. Tay Tay!
BD: I just turned up the volume.
ET: "Our friend" What braggarts.
BD: OK, but that dress.
BD: I feel like she just stepped out of the Disney's Country Bear Jamboree.
BD: This is like Big Love the musical.
ET: From Taylor Swift's new album Deliverance.
BD: Shouldn't she have sung this last year to Kanye West?
ET: That was excellent.
BD: OK, Taylor, don't look so surprised at that standing ovation. Bitch, you are at the Grammys.
BD: I cannot wait for Nicki Minaj to bring it.

9:50pm
BD: Oh Neil Patrick. Love you forever.
ET: These songs need to die.
BD: Ugh, how are any of these song of the year?
ET: This is the best they've got?
BD: Oh shocker, Adele.
ET: Again, maybe they could introduce a translator.
BD: Why are there no musicians presenting awards?

9:53
[Katy Perry]
ET: Kate Beckinsale almost stumbled.
BD: This better be magical.
BD: Why is it so dark on stage? So many lasers.
ET: Lady Gaga lite.
BD: Wait? Was that on purpose?
ET: Lady Gaga boring.
BD: Oh no, this reminds me of Britney Spears' bad dancing. Like when she was too high on pills to move on stage.
ET: She's still like that, sadly.
ET: That guy has a dead pigeon on his necklace.
BD: This is really disappointing.
ET: Well she is in the middle of a divorce.
BD: Oh, is this a shout out to Russel Brand?
ET: Presumably.
BD: He's probably not watching. He's too busy Forgetting Katy Perry. 

ET: Why is this presentation (Best Country) format different from the others?
ET: And the Grammy goes to... Taylor Swift!
BD: Who is Lady Antebellum?
ET: I am not doing well tonight.
ET: They're like pop country, lite FM.
BD: That dress is lovely.
ET: I didn't know Khloe Kardashian was in Lady Antebellum!
ET: NUTS!
BD: I'm not waiting for that performance from Adele. Oh good, maybe Sir Paul will spice things up.

 

10:05pm
[Adele]
BD: Again, why are there no musicians doing the presenting?
ET: Gwyneth Paltrow sings "Cruisin'."
BD: How many people do you think are crying right now while watching this?
ET: All of America's emotional panties just dropped.
BD: Those are really great fake lashes.
BD: I wish she would have done another song just to fuck with everyone.
BD: Has anyone not gotten a standing ovation yet?
ET: Aw. I'm not a fan, but she did well.
BD: Why aren't there tears running down her face?
ET: Swifty did, right?
ET: So overrated.
ET: I'm waiting for the Beatles songs and then I'm going to sleep.
BD: So, there is maybe half a show left and not even five awards have been given out yet.
ET: I mean, everyone loves Adele so much, but this little girl in the Target commercials seems to have her schtick down pat.
BD: I'm wishing Target was 24 hours right now.
ET: No awards for you, says the Award Nazi.
ET: Why so you can buy an Adele CD? Right now?
BD: Where is Beyonce? That's what I want to know.
ET: Tending to her newborn.
BD: Blue Ivy is one cute ass baby. I cannot even get over it. Or is it Ivy Blue?
ET: We may never know.

10:16
[Glen Campbell Tribute]
BD: Well, that is an upgrade from her country bumpkin dress.
ET: Wow. Now that is a crazy Dancing with the Stars frock. I like it.
ET: I also would like it to be known that I'm enjoying this Glen Campbell tribute.
BD: Yeah, I can't say anything terrible about this. It's more enjoyable than Adele and Katy Perry. That's for sure.
ET: There is one instance of Bieber hair onstage, but that's OK.
BD: Slideable.
ET: One is acceptable.
BD: It's very difficult to not sing along. I'm moments away from yelling "Southern Skies." 
ET: Let it all out.
BD: I just got a little choked up.
BD: I'm bringing back the bolo tie.
BD: Let it be known I just said "Rhinestone Cowboy" outloud.
BD: Paul [McCartney] is fist-pumping. That is amazing.
ET: Paul McCartney pullin' a Pauly D.
ET: He's got that nudie suit coat and bolo tie. Super slick. Yo quiero.
BD: quite possibly the best performance of the Grammys so far. Sorry, Brian Wilson.
ET: Antonio Carlos Jobim changed my life by creating music that lulled me to sleep for years.
ET: Please, no David Guetta.
BD: David Guetta with the Foo Fighters. How does that happen after Dave Grohl just went on a rampage about making garage tapes?
ET: Yet another fantastic Pepsi commercial. "I'm tweeting."
BD: Those Heels, Elton!
ET: Wait, same commercial, longer, more intricate. Yeah, boy! Flavor Flav has a sundial around his neck. Ah-mazing.

10:30pm
[Tony Bennett & Carrie Underwood]
BD: Not the most attractive dress, Carrie.
BD: He earned a Grammy tonight? Who knew they were giving out awards? I thought this was just a concert.
ET: This is the classiest act of the evening.
BD: I am sorta wishing it was Alicia Keys next to him.
ET: They really sound terrible together.
BD: That dress is just too much.
ET: Rhianna's exposed chest is too much.
BD: Wait, so they perform a mini-duet before doing awards?
ET: Guaranteed, no like all of these "artists."
BD: Skrillex is at the Grammys?
ET: Snooze.
BD: Wow, should have worn a hat.
BD: This is awkward.
ET: Bon Iver isn't new.
BD: Should have visited a tailor.
BD: Sweet hookup? Oh my goodness. 
ET: Nerd alert.

10:40pm
ET: Paul overshadowed by Whitney.
BD: Everyone overshadowed by Whitney.
ET: Get the tissues out.
BD: Whitney basically stole the Grammys.
ET: My favorite time, the rundown of deaths.
BD: This isn't depressing at all.
ET: Please don't play Roy Orbison. I will cry.
BD: This is a lot of death.
ET: They didn't put up Etta James.

BD: Oh damn, is this Jennifer Hudson?
BD: OMG. Goosebumps.
BD: I can't even type during this. It feels wrong.
ET: I recorded this song on VHS and sang it loudly in front of the television very often in the early '90s. My brother made fun of me.
BD: They should have done a medley. But I guess it was last minute.
ET: I bet someone like Mariah Carey or Christina Aguilera could have done a better job.
ET: I would have liked to have seen Dolly Parton sing it.
BD: That would have been something.

10:51pm
[Chris Brown, David Guetta, Deadmau5, & the Foo Fighters]
ET: ?uestlove is so rad.
ET: Rave it out, bro.
BD: Holy glowshit.
ET: Glow me up, bro.
BD: I hope the Jersey Shore cast jumps out.
BD: What the hell is on his feet?
ET: Lil Wayne can possibly save this monstrosity.
ET: Or not.
BD: This is offensive.
ET: The 2012 Grammys are bringing me back to Miami Beach circa 1998.
ET: I think David Guetta was there.
ET: That sounds like "Detachable Penis."
BD: Where is Tiesto?
ET: Why are the Foo Fighters performing twice? Who put this lineup together? Dave Grohl's dad?
BD: Damn, couldn't have thrown Lady Gaga a Grammy performance bone?
ET: Here we go.
BD: This is getting very industrial.
BD: Bring out Trent Reznor!
ET: Deadmau5 was at Mansion a few weeks back an tickets were like $150, or so I heard.
BD: We are watching a rave.
ET: Such spermy lights.
BD: Dubstep, Bro.
ET: Dubstep needs to find a way to incorporate the brown note.
BD: Yes, Nicki Minaj, please give us something to talk about.
ET: Then maybe we'd have to hear less of it
BD: Wait, so still more performances, any more awards to give out?
ET: There's the Best Chris Brown Performance of the Night.

11:04pm
[Nicki Minaj]
ET: Drake is my Valentine's Day date.
BD: She's on the Lady Gaga tip.
ET: This is exactly why I don't like Nicky Minaj.
BD: Damn, she's really tearing one out from Gaga's playbook.
ET: These absurd narratives.
BD: On the Femme Fatale tour, she did something similar.
ET: This is garbage.
BD: This is unwatchable.
ET: Please quote me.
ET: She has so much talent, but this is shameful.
BD: This is a joke. They were right, it certainly has left us speechless
ET: Like a prayer, I ask that this end soon.
ET: You know when they tell you to write what you know. Nicky needs to listen to that advice.
BD: Gaga is pissed.
ET: Gaga's probs thrilled. Now everyone'll make fun of NIcky for being a biter instead of her biting off of Madonna.
BD: I wish they would show the horrified looks on the audiences faces.
ET: She's such a drama school nerd.
BD: Boom. No standing ovation.
ET: I don't care what you say, ladies love Cool J.
ET: Enough Adele worship.
BD: "No Surprise" thank you for saying it for the rest of us.
ET: So rude! I can't believe he said that. This is ridiculous.

11:18pm
BD: I wish LL would just rap.
BD: Whoop, Diana! 
ET: Her hair is a fairyland.
ET: Gaga is getting the cold shoulder.
BD: Yeah, why did she even show up?
ET: Harsh.
BD: Ugh, Adele.
ET: And the award goes to (yawn) Adele.
BD: So snoozeworthy.
BD: Oh quit it with the fake tears. You knew you were going to win.
ET: I think the guy behind her just rolled his eyes
BD: OK, that was funny. Snot all over that Grammy.
ET: I get dumped, and I get diarrhea. She gets dumped, she gets a dozen Grammys. 
BD: Right? What is this life we are living?
ET: Well, at least she said snot onstage. She's now cool in my book.
BD: First an OG, now a homie!

11:24pm
[Paul McCartney]
ET: My boy Paul McCartney!
ET: They're probably really close friends.
BD: C'mon LL you know you want to jump out and rap.
ET: Where is Stella during all of this?
BD: So, did anyone else get on stage to accept an award tonight that wasn't Adele?
ET: Bon Iver. That's it.
BD: Everyone is real mad they got out of bed today.
ET: I bet he plays "Hey Jude" next.
ET: Seriously, wanna bet?
BD: Oh those suspenders. I love you, Paul!
ET: Imagine what it must be like to be Paul McCartney.
BD: Pretty lovely. I wouldn't be cranky ever.
BD: Whoa, Dave Grohl snuck on stage?
BD: Wait, that was it? And they are seriously ending it with an Adele song in the credits? It wasn't enough that she won the entire show?
ET: I finally can go back to never listening to Adele again.