The Melvins' Plan Guinness World Record Tour: Five Reasons We Wanna See Them
Our favorite band of proto-grunge hairballs are hitting the road again -- which isn't really news, as the Melvins are known for their rather prolific travels. Their old tour transport, known as "the Melvan," was just up for sale, complete with Kurt Cobain's artwork as decoration. However, the band is looking to make it into the actual record book with this specific jaunt. "King" Buzz Osborne and company plan to bring the Melvins Lite trio of himself, drummer Dale Crover, and upright bass player Trevor Dunn (Mr. Bungle) to each and every state in the U.S. in a time span of 50 days -- making the band the Guinness World Record holder for "the Fastest Tour of the United States."
The routing includes stops in Hawaii and Washington, D.C., and will be in support of the most recent incarnation of the band's newest release, Freak Puke.
We begin our sulk session with some comedy to hopefully help us out of our funk. In this now -classic YouTube clip, King Buzzo explores the world of homeownership while riffing on the band's unfortunate status as "cult heroes" that have inspired countless more successful acts.
Of course one of the most outlandish-sounding bands in rock music creates music videos that help accentuate the already twisted realm its sound brings you to. If you're reaching for meaning in this footage, we believe this comment from YouTube sums it up perfectly: "There's nothing to get. It's Melvins."
All right, we're back to being really bummed about not seeing them in South Florida, and as such, we've found our way to the live footage, much like a jilted lover tends to creep through old photos of what was. The heft of the opening track from the Boner Records classic Bullhead is something to stand back and be consumed by.
The sludgy assault of "Boris" has segued our sadness into anger, and well, that's just not cool with us. We understand why we're being skipped. We're far away, we're kind of a wishy-washy part of the country when it comes to show turnouts, and traveling all the way down here won't help the band's world record attempt in any way, shape, or form. We get it. So we're going to focus on what we wouldn't be missing out on either way: The incredible two-headed drum monster that is Dale Crover and Coady Willis. In this video, they do crazy stuff with their shared drum set in a "drum off" with a man in a suit who obviously doesn't play drums.
OK, one last "bit" of live footage before we go write a sad letter to Buzz, begging for him to
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