Top Ten Most Fabulous Falsettos of All Time, Inspired by the Australian Bee Gees
The Bee Gees are the undisputed warlord champion presidents for life when it comes to fabulous falsettos.
And when the Australian Bee Gees perform at the Seminole Coconut Creek Casino, you can bet your lifetime supply of testosterone and/or estrogen that these impersonators from down under will be singing like Lil' Bo Peep belting out "Stayin' Alive" at whippit karaoke.
Here are County Grind's ten favorite vocalists who sing like cartoon mice.
10. Justin Timberlake - "Cry Me a River"
As a former cast member of the New Mickey Mouse Club, the archetypal heartthrob rebel in '90s boy ban, 'N Sync, an accomplished solo performer, and a popular actor, Justin Timberlake is more than a Renaissance Man. His high-pitched shrieks of sensual white-boy ecstasy not only brought sexy back but were literally directly responsible for the very coining of the phrase "bringing sexy back."
9. The Temptations - "Get Ready"
The classics never go out of style. If you want to sing like a chipmunk ripping ice-cold fatty balloons filled with nitrous oxide, might we recommend squealing along with the Temptations?
8. Smokey Robinson - "Ooo Baby Baby (Ready Steady Go)"
Rumor has it, a Hanson brother or two has mistaken their own vocals for that of a lady. We can imagine Ol' Smokey having a similar experience.
7. Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons - "Walk Like a Man"
Isn't it ironic that a song with titled "Walk Like a Man" would sound like it was sung by a eunuch?
6. Michael Jackson - "Black or White"
Michael Jackson didn't care if you were black or white. Or if you sang like a tooty fruity tenor. The King of Pop was the crotch-clutching master of falsettos.
5. The Tokens - "The Lion Sleeps Tonight"
We will forever associate this classic oldie-but-goodie with the sex scene in Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, during which the Tokens blare out as Ace and that one white girl from Friends kertang-a-lang and freak out the Pet Detective's zoo-like stable of animals.
4. Prince - "Kiss"
We also have weird associations with the Artist Once More Known as Prince, his falsetto, and the smuttiest scenes from Steven Seagal movies. But that's our own fault.
3. The-Dream - "Falsetto"
A song about sex that uses falsettos as a central metaphor (for fucking) and features a chorus that is essentially a repeated impression of some shawty having a constant orgasm sounds like the exact reason we were inspired to write this list in the first place.
2. Curtis Mayfield - "Pusherman"
This song is actually good, sexy, cool, etc. Spread the word, your seed, etc.
1. Klaus Nomi - "Total Eclipse"
Don't we all have a little Klaus Nomi in us? And by "a little Klaus Nomi" we don't mean a smattering of his characteristics embedded within our composite heterogenous makeups. We literally refer to a miniature version of the proto-goth German countertenor, living inside of our bodies like a gnome who has fashioned an igloo out of a sprawling ancient primordial fungus.
The Australian Bee Gees. Saturday, March 9, at Seminole Coconut Creek Casino, 5550 NW 40th St, Coconut Creek. Show starts at 8 p.m. Tickets start at $23.20 (including fees) via Ticketmaster. Visit seminolecoconutcreekcasino.com, or call 954-977-6700.
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