Late in February, Art Garfunkel came to town and, in an interview with this publication, when asked about reuniting with Paul Simon, said, "In my mind it's very doable. You're talking to the wrong man. It's a tricky subject, and it looks so simple. But I won't get into it. Suffice it to say, I'm an easy sell on this."
There you go; the man all but pleaded for a Simon & Garfunkel reunion. Not even a month later, Paul Simon comes to the BB&T Center, on March 15, but not with Art, instead touring with Sting.
We can barely imagine how such an indignity must feel to Garfunkel. Not only is Simon touring with another man but with another blond. Here are five other touring partners Paul Simon could rub in the face of Art Garfunkel, along with his imagined reaction.
Possible Reaction from Art: Come on, you're going to replace the most famous second banana in rock 'n' roll history with the second most famous second banana? Unacceptable. I'll grow a mustache if that's what it takes.
Possible Reaction from Art: You can't take your wife on tour instead of your bestest bud? You might as well go on the road with Yoko Ono while you're at it.
Possible Reaction from Art: So you want a pretty boy, is that what it is? Yeah, in 1992, he sang a nice cover of "Mrs. Robinson" with the Lemonheads, but you'll be sorry when he tries to speed up our other songs. Who wants an uptempo "The Sound of Silence"? Nobody, that's who! But I'll work on it if you want.
Possible Reaction from Art: My Spanish is muy bien. It always bothered me you wrote that song "Me and Julio Down by the Schoolyard" when you could have written a song about your dearest pal. A lot more words rhyme with "Art" than with "Julio." You could go with "That Art sure is smart," "I heart Art," or "Ate beans with Art you should hear him..." You should know how it would end. You're the one who called himself Rhymin' Simon.
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Possible Reaction from Art: First off, that guy from The Hangover isn't even a singer; he's a comedian. Second, good luck anyone being able to pronounce your group's name. Simon & Galifanakis? Ridiculous! Third, I'm working on growing a beard.
Sting and Paul Simon, 8 p.m. Saturday, March 15, at BB&T Center, 1 Panther Parkway, Sunrise. Tickets cost $45 to $250. Call 954-835-8000, or visit thebbtcenter.com.