For the gamblers in the crowd (we know you´re out there — we saw you try the brown acid), there´s Fantasy RatDog, sort of a cross between fantasy football and a Dead pool, wherein each tour season, faithful ´Dog fans make picks regarding what songs ol´ Bobby will play and in what order he´ll play them. Winners are decided by a point system way too geeked-out for Outtakes to handle. Seriously. (Full details can be found at www.ratdog.org/fantasy/index.php.)
The Fall 2005 Fantasy ´Dog season is well under way. Currently, the top three players are Chez, with 92 points, JackStraw with 91, and unclejohn65 with 90. These guys have seen more shows than you´ve taken showers (wherein lies a correlation, we assume). Don´t mess with them.
Outtakes´ prognosticator, Cosmic Charlie, has been steadily picking winners all tour, so we´re proud to shake down his tips for all those who are here for Weir and ready to play.
Disclaimer: These are estimated prophecies and are not meant to be considered professional advice.
With close assessment of time of year, home-field advantage, and win/loss record, Charlie´s picks for RatDog´s Boca blowout are as follows:
First Set Opener: ¨Jack Straw¨
First Set Wild Card: ¨Help on the Way¨
First Set Closer: ¨All New Minglewood Blues¨
Second Set Opener: ¨Loser¨
Second Set Wild Card: ¨Estimated Prophet¨
Second Set Closer: ¨Eyes of the World¨
Potential Upset: ¨Looks Like Rain¨
Hail Mary: ¨It´s All Over Now, Baby Blue¨
Sudden Death: ¨El Paso¨
Overtime Encore: ¨Ripple¨
Charlie tells us that the RatDog Fall ´05 lineup continues last year´s trend toward offense and aggressive rock ´n´ roll. Style of play has shifted away from the traditional, acoustic-based, nickle-slot incarnation of teams of yore. Manning the helm is team captain Bobby Weir; a wily veteran, the once-teenybopping guitarist has found his arm and is strumming with the best of them. He continues to borrow heavily from the classic Dead playbook, and this show promises to be no different. Look for a heavy barrage of songs performed in an improv formation with a blues-based backfield.
Now get out there and win one for the tripper. — D. Sirianni
RatDog hits the field at 6 p.m. Saturday, November 19, at Mizner Park Amphitheater, 590 Plaza Real, Boca Raton. Tickets cost $35. Call 561-750-1668.
Whose House?
Rev. Run (a.k.a. Joseph Simmons) is a founding member of hip-hop legend Run-D.M.C., and his new disc, Distortion — a collection of rap-rock hybrids not unlike the vintage tracks he created with his former group — was released on October 18. Additionally, Run now stars in a ¨reality-based¨ TV series (co-produced by his brother Russell Simmons and Puff Daddy... or P. Diddy or Diddy, or maybe it´s just Did now) about his solo career and family life titled Run´s House, and yes, this is probably MTV´s replacement for The Osbournes.
Old rapper tries to revitalize his career? Big deal. What´s interesting is that Rev. before the Run and the quasipriest look (all black with a white clerical collar) that he sports when he´s taped chilling with Diddy and Simmons. Turns out Run entered the clergy by joining New York´s Zoe Ministries — a multimedia, multimillion-dollar ¨prophetic church¨ founded by one Bishop E. Bernard Jordan. When Jordan started his church in ´83, he designed a pyramid of ranks, which his followers climb through service to the ministries. In the late ´80s, when Run´s career tanked, he turned to Jordan for spiritual and financial guidance. The bishop started him off as a lowly usher, a totally humbling experience for the struggling pop star.
This linking of Run´s spiritual being to his financial health is the foundation of the gospel Jordan preaches. In his book Cosmic Economics, the bishop writes, ¨True wealth is not determined by the amount of money a man has in his hands, but it is measured by his ability to create more substance... money is within. Money is a state of consciousness.¨
Thus, Jordan is a Christian-based self-empowerment guru à la Tony Robbins, and he apparently possesses occult powers like clairvoyance. For the ¨suggested donation¨ of $20.20, ¨Bishop Jordan will prophesy on cassette tape for you for vision and clarity in a situation.¨ And, according to a recent interview with Run, Jordan once prophesied to him that Diddy would approach him about an important business deal. Two weeks later, Diddy phoned and pitched Run´s House. Hallelujah!
So, is this all a crock of shit? At the least, it´s a total showbiz put-on. However, after watching the second episode of Run´s House wherein Run thoughtfully and honestly examines the ways in which he mishandled his ¨birds ´n´ the bees¨ discussion with his son Diggy, it seems this reverend has more of a right to wear his rather absurd costume than all the child molesters hiding in the Vatican. — Justin F. Farrar
I and Irish
In what will inevitably go down as one of 2005´s most unlikely collaborations, aging Irish songstress Sinéad O´Connor teamed up with legendary Jamaican reggae producers/musicians Sly and Robbie to make Throw Down Your Arms, O´Connor´s improbable new reggae album and her first release since she announced she was quitting the music business for good in 2003. Outtakes recently unearthed some tapes that might shed light on the creative process.
February 11, 2005: The phone rings at Tuff Gong Studios in Kingston, Jamaica...
Sly Dunbar: ´Ello, can mi help yuh?
Sinéad O´Connor: ´Owaya, oi´m callin´ ter spake ter Mr. Sly Dunbar or Mr. Robbie Shakespeare.
SD: Dis is Sly. Who dis?
SO: ´Tis Sinad O´Connor callin´ — yer know who oi em?
SD: Aren´t yuh dat crazy peel-head gyal from Ireland?
SO: Yeah, but please don´t say oi´m nuts; oi really ´ate dat. Oi might rip yer bake aff if yer call me nuts again.
SD: Hush, gyal. Wut can me do for yuh?
SO: Well, ah´ve decided ter coom oyt of retirement, an´ oi want ter record a whole album av reggae cover songs.
SD: Bwaaaaa hahahahahahahaahaha!
SO: Wat de ´ell are ye splittin´ yer sides at?
SD: Gyal, wut yuh naw ´bout ragga? Dis could be worse´n Willie Nelson...
SO: Oi know plenty. Ah´ve been listenin´ ter Bob Marley an´ Peter Tosh an´ Lee Perry al´ me life. Nigh oi want yer an´ Robbie ter ´elp me make a new album. ´Ill yer do it?
SD: Well, come on yahso and we´ll see what we kyan do...
SO: Dead on, oi´ll be down dare next month.
March 17, 2005: Recording sessions for Throw Down Your Arms, day five...
SD: Dawta, why dun yuh try singin´ ¨Jah Nuh Dead¨ one mer tim?
SO: Oi´ll sin´ it again if yer want... ¨Meet me at de bank av de bonny river when yisser journey ´as end/Oi and Oi ´ill discuss aboyt dis mutter/Jah naw dead, Jah naw dead... ¨ ´Ey, wat de fook ye two ´ootin´ an´ ´ollerin´ aboyt?
SD: ¨Oi an´ oi¨? ¨Oi an´ Oi¨??? Bwaaaaa hahahahahaahaha!
SO: ´At de fook yer expect; oi´m Oirish!
SD: Bwaaaa hahahahahahahaha. Lawd muh Gawd!
SO: Ah yeah? Yer guys are gonna slag me? Well watch dis!
SD: Nooooo, dun tear up dat photo of Haile Selassie!!! Dawta, yuh need tuh chill. Smoke summa dis.
SO: Ahhhhhhh — that´s really grand! Oi can feel de Rasta vibe nigh. ´Tis loike oi´m communicatin´ wit Marcus Garvey ´imself! Let me try ter sin´ it again... ¨Meet me at the bank of the beautiful river when your journey has end/I and I will discuss about this matter...¨
SD: Irie! Nuh if only mi can get yuh ta spring sum dreadlocks outta dat crazy head! — Michael Alan Goldberg
