Every year, Vans Warped Tour descends upon South Florida, bringing a barrage of pop-punk fans out to roast in the steamy summer air. Last Saturday afternoon, tatted performers entertained a mostly underaged crowd, while the underaged crowd mostly entertained us.
Our realistic survival guide warned of delinquent activities and odd fashions we could expect from the Warped audience. Prepped for a particularly long, wild day and armed with our camera phone, we made sure to capture some of the most particularly ridiculous things we saw on the South Florida stop on the 2012 Warped Tour. Get ready for butts and blood.
10. Brohawk matching BFFs
We knew spikes would be abundant on the heads of the youths, but this is some There's Something About Mary shit. Also, try to not look exactly like your best bud. Individuality is very punk.
9. Condom Balloons
Remember when you first took sex ed and the only thing a condom seemed fit for was blowing up into a slimy balloon? This young'un at Warped apparently had a middle school flashback.
8. Farmer's Tans
Nothing says "young white Floridian" quite like a farmer's tan.
7. Jump Kicks
Kicking the air is like the raddest, most punk shit ever. We definitely saw a few legs flying on Saturday. Karate chop!
6. Butt One
This lass was intent on drawing perhaps a tiny bit of attention to her derriere, or as one might call it, "dat a$$." Thanks for pointing it out, dude.
5. Body Paint as Bug Spray
This guy assured us
that the neon colors he so artfully applied to his body worked just as well as what he called "mosquito cream."
4. Crowd Rafting
For obvious reasons, organizers frown on the practice of riding anything out across a sea of people. But that didn't stop these two pictured above from using their raft to endanger the lives of strangers.
When a dude crowd-surfing on the loving arms of the crowd fell onto said crowd, the fin stabbed an older lady in the leg. The loss of blood caused her to pass out. Sorry, no picture.
The number of (non-Chik-Fil-A) chicken fingers consumed by the happy meal crowd was absurd. Executive chef Dave Rashty, who adjusted the menu to suit the younger
crowd, estimated that around 400 boxes were inhaled. You don't need a picture; you know what chicken fingers look like.
1. A Final Ass
For some reason, security had a problem with this guy walking around with his ass out. Wait, is that a walkie-talkie? He was security!
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