For $3 million in hard-earned corporate money, you better throw a hell of a party, and Rick Scott's inauguration bash this week turned out to be the most extravagant in recent history. Event planners said it would bring $4.5 million in economic activity to the Tallahassee area, boosting jobs and local business -- though the head caterers are based in Washington, D.C. But it's the thought that counts.
Slick Rick did source some local Florida talent for musical entertainment, which consisted mostly of washed-up country singers calling for divine benedictions of the United States. There was also a boys' choir and an act from South Florida (though not one you've heard of). Sadly, no Bieber. Read on for a revealing look at Scott's star-spangled musical ode to the Sunshine State.
John Michael Montgomery
Hoo-wa! The man behind this paean to market-driven male prostitution also has some more tender tunes under his ten-gallon hat, like "I Love the Way You Love Me" and "The Little Girl." Personally, he took some time off for drug-related rehab in 2008, around the time he released the single "If You Ever Went Away."
What it says: Rick's down with some good old faux-Americana and is probably the kind of guy who would like to see himself going to a county auction. He's no stranger to personal embarrassment and knows that's no excuse not to rehabilitate himself and keep on workin'.
This Pensacola native broke onto the scene two decades ago with this song about standing up for what you think is right, which became an anthem for troops in the Gulf War. His other hits include "Where the Stars and the Stripes and the Eagles Fly."
What it says: For Rick Scott's tenure, we predict plenty of stars and stripes but probably fewer eagles, since he wants to radically shrink the Department of Environmental Protection.
You probably won't enjoy watching the above video for "God Bless the USA," which has been called the "most patriotic song in America." And that could be because you're a commie bastard but maybe also because it's peppered with images of the World Trade Center towers being blown up by airplanes.
What it says: Incitement of patriotism through anger and fear is what we're seeing in those images, and it was certainly a lot of anger (at the economic situation, the loss of jobs, the president) and fear (of losing homes, jobs, freedom) that got Scott elected. Greenwood performs in a jacket made of the stars and stripes, which may be just the costume Scott needs to distinguish himself from Skeletor.
What, you've never heard of Flavor? They're from North Miami Beach, fools! Also, they are a cover band run by Tropics Entertainment, performing at "the hottest nightclubs and parties."
What it says: This administration may be blander than we'd hoped. They couldn't find an independent Florida band to volunteer its services and usher Scott into office? Not even a death-metal garage ensemble?
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Avenue D Boys' Choir
Based in Fort Pierce, this band gives a vocal outlet to youths struggling with gangs and drug dependency. That's actually pretty cool.
What it says: Rick Scott likes little boys. (Because they'll be eligible voters someday.) Also, he's willing to forgo some of the big-name showmanship to give a nod to those less fortunate than white, wealthy CEOs.
Still, a tragedy: There's one Orlando-based band that Rick clearly forgot to invite.