Your Holiday Guide to Santa Claus, Jerry Garcia-Claus, and Other Magic
As of yet, there has been no verified reincarnation of Jerry Garcia on this planet. That means that he may very well still be swirling free in the cosmos, perfectly able to work magic wherever and whenever he pleases. He was pretty much the psychedelic Santa while embodied, and now we're thinking he is only more-so without the physical constraints of humanness. Indeed, the more we think about it, stoned, the more likely it seems that Jerry and Santa are looking into each other's twinkling eyes at this very moment, imagining the gifts they will bestow upon us this holiday season.
For those of you who are not blinded by the assertions of low-vibration individuals who claim that Jerry, Santa, and magic are all fictitious, and who may be curious as to what sorts other-dimensional characters you may be in the presence of this holiday season, County Grind would like to offer a brief list of indicators and pointers to help you identify some of the mysterious phenomenon you may observe, and respond appropriately. Having this guide in your shirt pocket makes you the equivalent of a psychedelic bird watcher. Though, you'll have to come up with your own 5D binoculars.
The heavy clunking of hooves upon your roof indicates the arrival of Kris Kringle
We've all been taught this since early childhood. But, just to clarify, Jerry Claus is not pulled around by animals and he will not be walking around on your roof. Rather, Jerry Claus manifests in Cheshire Cat fashion--out of thin air, not reliant upon bodies of any sort.
Foreigner w/ Cheap Trick and Jason Bonham's Led Zeppelin Experience
TicketsTue., Aug. 1, 7:00pm
Double Feature: Straight No Chaser/Scott Bradlee's Postmodern Jukebox
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Blondie & Garbage: The Rage and Rapture Tour
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Guns N' Roses: Not In This Lifetime Tour
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Lionel Richie: All The Hits With Very Special Guest Mariah Carey
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A couple of possibilities for Jerry Claus' entrance into your home:
1) The image of Jerry on a wall poster comes to life, first playing a few nice guitar notes--perhaps a "Here Comes Jerry Claus" riff--then stepping out into the three dimensional world of your bedroom.
2) As you exhale a huge bong hit, the smoke makes visible the face of Jerry Claus floating before you, grinning.
How to greet Jerry Claus
If you happen to be awake for his arrival, the first rule is to not be astonished. If he begins playing guitar for you, listen. If he is grinning at you, grin back. Try not to break the sacredness of the encounter by falling into worship mode. Jerry already knows that he is awesome, as are you. That's why he is visiting.
There is a chance that you may sleep through his visit completely, though you may remember it as a dream when you awake. In order to make Jerry Claus feel welcome in your home, and to thank him for stopping by, you may leave gifts for him like you would for his friend Santa. Rather than leaving out carrots, egg-nog and cookies though, leave out a spliff, some fresh cut roses, and a bowl of DMT.
If you wake up wondering who may have stopped by, here are a couple things to look for:
If there is ash and soot on your living room floor, inspect it to see if it came from the fireplace or the bong. If it came from the former: Santa. The latter: Jerry.
If there are lots of boxes of stuff under your tree--Santa. If your heart perceives gifts in the air, intangible yet sweet: Jerry.
Boot prints on the ground: Santa. A hand print sans middle finger upon the reflection of your chest in the mirror, not on the surface, but coming from the other side: Jerry.
You will see the elves if you wish to
Jerry and Santa can both be thought of as chief elves at this point, and they are part of a larger world of elves which exists all around us all the time. If your consciousness expands wide enough, you will see the elves and perhaps Jerry and/or Santa too. If you are curious and not too frightened, make a wish and dream, and you will encounter magic this holiday season.
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