The one and only debate between Bill Nelson and Connie Mack went down Wednesday night at Nova Southeastern University, and it had all the decorum and civility of the last three minutes of Reservoir Dogs.
The two candidates took to their respective podiums and immediately began attacking each others' records and character and doing all that stuff that makes modern-day politics such a hoot.
The hourlong televised debate tackled taxing and spending issues, voting records, accusations of extreme partisanship, and cows.
Mack went for the jugular, accusing Nelson on his backing of Obamacare while at the same time not giving a ding-dang about Floridians. He also went after the senator's tax hikes voting record and his putting cows on family land to get out of paying property taxes.
Nelson repeatedly said Mack was flat-out lying. "My opponent has a pattern of lies, and you've seen that on display," the old astronaut said.
Mack also accused Nelson of carrying Obama's water multiple times, until Nelson shot back, "Is that the only line you have memorized?"
For his part, Nelson went after Mack's "penny plan," a proposal that would supposedly stop government spending while balancing the federal budget by cutting $7.5 trillion over ten years.
"He has a penny plan that would absolutely eviscerate Medicare and social security," Nelson said.
Mack, who is way behind in polls and seems like a long shot to win, decided to hitch his wagon to Mitt Romney by telling voters to send him and Romney to Washington.
"Mitt Romney needs someone who he can count on. We need another Republican senator from the state of Florida. I'm asking you to stand with Mitt Romney."
Mack said he opposes amnesty for illegal immigrants, while Nelson said he supports citizenship for them that would include paying a fine, having no criminal record, and learning to speaka de English.
For the most part, though, it was two dudes yelling at each other and using talking points as proverbial nunchucks to each others' proverbial nuts.
Mack accused Nelson of being Obama's puppet, while Nelson continued to point out Mack's lies.
The two seemed to disagree on pretty much everything except that both claim to support maintaining the trade embargo with Cuba, and both claimed the importance of taking major steps to make sure Iran doesn't get them nuclear weapons.
Because it's all bickering and accusations and cat-fighting until the Cuban and Jewish votes are in play.
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