South Florida's economy depends on tourism dollars, so it's chagrining indeed to read this report from Steve Dahl, the talk radio pioneer who for decades has shared his everyman sensibility with Greater Chicago.
But Dahl was recently in Boca Raton, and in a column published today by the Chicago Tribune -- the older, bigger sister of your Sun-Sentinel -- Dahl tells of an encounter with Tatiana, a masseuse of European descent who works at the Saks Fifth Avenue.
Her name alone sounds as if it would have made for the end of a perfect Steve Dahl Spa Day. Wrong!
Gross. And Dahl didn't appreciate the European's jab at his ample derriere.
Tatiana laid her hands on my buttocks and said, "No wonder your back hurts, you are carrying a lot of weight!"
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Oh, don't worry it gets better. Dahl takes his Chicago reader aside to educate him about the massage industry, which ain't so wholesome in the seedy Southeast.
There are certain massage places where something sexual is pretty much guaranteed to happen. You can usually tell if something "extra" is available by the cheap neon "open" sign in the front window. There's a place here in Florida that gives you a table shower. You lie down on a rubberized table, and they wash you like a circus elephant.
Never heard of it. Steve, maybe that was a circus. The upshot is, this deep-pocketed Midwesterner had an unpleasant visit. I'll let Dahl wrap it up with this non-sequitur:
Actually, Tatiana's massage was quite good, but I had a hard time relaxing. I might have even tried to break a little wind. At one point she started talking about natural childbirth and water birthing.