Children Were Harmed in the Making of This Video, But Sacrifices Must Be Made

'Tis the season of perplexing, politically loaded holidays. Today is Earth Day, which according to the video below (by the blessedly clairvoyant religious right) is destined to replace Patriot's Day on the school calendar -- which is strange because Patriot's Day isn't actually on the school calendar, is it? No offense, patriots, but you already have Memorial Day, Veterans Day and the Fourth of July. Plus, if Patriot's Day really is the third Monday of April, then it was supposed to be two days ago, not today. Ah well, details!

The dystopian video also warns that the unholy, libidinous-sounding "Spring Break" will replace "Easter Vacation," at least until the Rapture. But surely the most outrageous day of all -- and the basis for this video -- was last Friday's "Day of Silence," a sparsely observed effort to sway schools to crack down on harassment of LGBT students. It's not enough for the Bible-thumpers to simply object, perhaps by encouraging their kids to do their bullying worst on that day; rather, these parents were inspired to actually commit something that looks like child abuse against their own kids, exploiting them to make a grossly exaggerated political point.

If you're scoring at home, that's approximately the second case in the last week of right wingers doing something inhumane to their children as a means of preventing something inhumane from happening to their children. If that doesn't make sense to you, go to church, sinner.

The other hot topic dividing along party lines is torture. Now... how can a good conservative prove that being waterboarded 266 times isn't so bad?

Run, little Timmy! Run!


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