Corrupt Politicians to Teach Charlie Crist, Principal who Attacked Wife Won't Be Sharing Toilet with Commissioners
State inspectors use the newest techology to curb corruption.
The state wants all six Palm Beach County commissioners to testify under oath about corruption in hopes that they might teach authorities how to catch corrupt politicians. The move comes after Mary McCarty resigned under corruption charges and while two former commissioners are sharing a metal toilet with a man who gives them little girl nicknames.
Why would authorities want to talk to the Legion of Doom of corruption about how to end corruption? Because everything we've learned about crime has come from Michael Bay. In the movie version, Mary McCarty would be played by Catherine Zeta Jones, whose character is a former jewel thief recruited by Interpol to catch other jewel thieves. The Interpol inspector would be played by Charlie Crist himself, because no Hollywood actor has that orangey fake tan glow.
In the Hollywood-style twist at the end, it may just be Crist who's corrupt. Or, at least according to federal prosecutors, took illegal campaign contributions. Let's hope that in his Oscar acceptance speech -- or, in other words, his public apology -- Crist thanks the Palm Beach County commission.
After the jump, thousands go out for a job fair, and many may take new jobs as corrupt politicians.
Job Fair Draws Thousands, Sean Penn Standing By
About 5,000 people went to a job fair yesterday in Davie to meet with the likes of Aflac, Florida Power & Light, and Carnival Cruise Lines. Yes, it may be depressing that so many people desperately need custodial and clerical jobs, but take heart in the fact that, in the movie version, the workers will be played by Sean Penn, because he always wins undeserved Oscars.
Principal Who Choked Wife Won't Be Bunking With Palm Beach Commissioners
Prosecutors have dropped the charges against the principal who choked his wife in his sleep. His wife told cops she came to believe his attack was unintentional. She is also, I'm guessing here, the type to believe that Sean Penn is a good actor.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss New Times Broward-Palm Beach's biggest stories.
- 27 Facts About New Miami Dolphins Head Coach Dan Campbell
Thu., Oct. 15, 7:00pm
Thu., Oct. 15, 7:30pm
Sat., Oct. 17, 12:00am
Sat., Oct. 17, 10:00am
- Sun-Sentinel to Make Employee Cutbacks
- Stabbing at Davie Group Home Again Highlights Lax Supervision