Donald Trump Live-Tweeted the Oscars
While the GOPers are still clenching their buttholes over the fact that the First Lady of Socialist America appeared on the Oscars to announce the Best Picture winner, one of their champions was giving us his own special cultivated, erudite, distingue thoughts on the Academy Awards via The Twitter.
We are, of course, talking about Donald Trump, and his special ability to tweet his thoughts exactly like a 13-year-old girl.
Here now are The Donald's Eight Best Oscar Tweets of the night:
Here we go! With the Oscars! I don't know how to start my live-tweeting! So I'll just start! Also, The Oscars!
This opening is terrible! It has comedy, wit, dance numbers, singing, Captain Kirk, sock puppets, more comedy, more singing, more dancing. BUT NOT ONCE DID I SEE JAZZ HANDS. NOT ONCE.
Since this particular tweet wasn't written at anyone, we can only assume Don was talking to his combover.
Combover: You don't like the opening?
Donald: Not one bit, Combover!
Combover: There's a lot of singing and dancing.
Donald: Singing and dancing is stupid.
Combover: Oscars? More like The Tony's. Amerite? HA. HA. HA. HA.
Combover: I need to take a dump.
BUT LEADING A PUBLIC CRUSADE TRYING TO PUT DOUBTS IN THE AMERICAN MINDS THAT THE BLACK PRESIDENT IS NOT REALLY AMERICAN -- TOTALLY NOT RACIST IN THE LEAST!
And believe me, I know. I sing that shit in the shower all the time. With Jazz hands.
Despite Lincoln scholars who have spent their entire lives poring over every minutiae about his life and works and despite letters and documents written DURING LINCOLN'S LIFETIME, as well as eyewitness reports from people who actually heard him give his speeches describing that he spoke exactly as Daniel Day-Lewis portrays him in the film, Lincoln never sounded like that!
Sorry I never went bankrupt. Except for those four separate times I went bankrupt. Also, my hair is not a wig, it's just really long, scraggily abomination of a combover. So, JOKE'S ON YOU!
[Tweeted right as host Seth McFarlane said "Good night." No joke]
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