Ever since LeBron James left, shit has been weird in South Florida. The mood, at first, was grateful and appreciative. That was nice. Necessary, even. Then we got defiant, and Cocky Heat Fan returned, celebrating in a loud way the return of a roster that we didn't like a whole lot sans LeBron over the past few years. Then we remembered this fact, and we got spiteful, Shabazz Napier getting caught doing what many fans did.
And now? Now we're really angry. You wanna see what we have to look forward to, 'Bron, now that you're in
that dump Cleveland? 'Cause it ain't much.
5. Waiting for Giancarlo Stanton to play for another team
What? We all know it's coming. Stanton won't be a free agent until 2016-17, but we've seen this movie before. Over and over again. Not to mention, Stanton's from California, the Dodgers are forever swimming in cash, and they're but one enticing team out West for the slugger. Can you imagine if he played in Colorado? That power. That air. Actually, on second thought, don't remind him.
4. Remembering Dwyane Wade is kind of old, sort of broken, and a defenseless defender. Please, before you have my head, know this: I love Dwyane too. He's surpassed Dan Marino in my mind as the preeminent 305 athlete ever, his championship rings and constant contract sacrifices trumping all. Still, he played half the season last year on a rest program specifically designed to make him look fresh and young in the playoffs, and this is what his defense looked like during the Finals last year:
Almost worth leaving for Cleveland. Almost.
3. Enjoying another mediocre Dolphins season. Your favorite little football team finds itself in another swirling news story, and if it were as good at creating touchdowns as it is at creating controversy, South Florida might pay attention to them like the Heat. Alas, no. But Tannehill! And Wallace!
2. Realizing our hockey team is basically the Cleveland Cavaliers of ice. Remember Roberto Luongo? So great -- in 2003. He played for the Panthers from 2000 to 2006, got folks excited about his potential as a then-27-year-old dripping with talent, and the team promptly traded him to Vancouver. But they traded for him back! A month before his 35th birthday, that is. So what if he wasn't the best player to ever play his sport like LeBron [sad faces for days]? The example still kind of holds. Fine, one more parallel? In LeBron's go-away letter, he mentioned how much he missed the Cavaliers broadcasters. Well, check out how fun the Panthers' can be.
See? Just like Cleveland. Which reminds us of one thing -- if there were only one thing -- we truly need to look forward to as South Florida sports fans. A reminder that it's not so bad here, even without that guy.
No. 1. At least we don't have to live in Cleveland. Bitch.
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