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Five Things We Learned From the Miami Heat's Game 2 Win Over the Bobcats

Five Things We Learned From the Miami Heat's Game 2 Win Over the Bobcats

The Miami Heat took a 2-0 lead in its first-round matchup against the Charlotte Bobcats with a 101-97 victory Wednesday night.

While there are plenty of game recaps to peruse, we at the Pulp like to dig deeper and get into some specific stuff you may or may not have noticed.

Come along with us throughout these playoffs while the Heat continues its quest for a three-peat, as we present to you a handful of things we learned from the games.

Maybe you'll learn something. Maybe you'll just relive a cool moment. Either way, you'll be walking away from these posts having a life-altering experience.

LET'S DIVE IN!

See also: If Your Favorite Miami Heat Players Were Game of Thrones Characters

Here now are five things we learned from the win over the Bobcats in Game 2:

5. The Heat's On/Off Switch Is Annoying Charlotte's best player is hobbling around on one leg, the Heat have owned them with 18 straight wins over them, and yet Charlotte clawed its way back into the game time and time again. A lot of that was due to the Bobcats being a scrappy bunch, but a lot of that was also due to Miami farting into our collective mouths and getting sloppy against an obviously subpar opponent.

Michael Kidd-Gilchrist finished the game with 22 points, scoring 15 of those points on 75 percent shooting in the first half.

MICHAEL KIDD, MICHAEL KIDD, MICHAEL KIDD....

With Al Jefferson morphing into Ahab with that plantar fasciitis, the Bobcats are overwhelmed in the matchups.

Yet, they still manage to grab rebounds and heave impossible threes and take advantage of the Heat going into NOFUCKSGIVEN mode, bringing games to within five points.

Dick butt, indeed.

 

4. Rashard Lewis is BATBOY Lewis played 14 minutes in Game 2 and has clearly become a huge part of the Heat rotation, at least in this series, and we're convinced Erik Spoelstra is doing this based on a dare.

Lewis managed four points in those 14 minutes, going 1-for-3 from the field.

Also, Lewis shoots the ball exactly like a bat would, if a bat played basketball.

3. LeBron James Is The Giant Realistic Flying Tiger LeBron was a ferocious aggressive destroyer of worlds from the opening whistle in Game 2 and finished with 32 points on 11-for-17 shooting.

And then there was this insane play where he took one dribble to travel the length of half the court to dunk the ball.

2. Opposing Players Who Have No Answer for Stopping LeBron Need to Calm The Fuck Down

Five Things We Learned From the Miami Heat's Game 2 Win Over the Bobcats

Seriously. It's enough already with this crap.

If you can't stop LeBron from rocketing past your defense for a dunk or layup, maybe just deal with the fact that you can either die in the wake of his fiery fury or get the shit out of the way. Tackling him by the neck or shoving a stupid pointy elbow into his windpipe is not the way to play defense.

And when the hell are NBA officials going to start calling these things flagrant fouls?

Clotheslining a dude by crowbaring his clavicle with your forearm isn't acceptable against any other player. But for some reason, when it's LeBron having his collar bone mounted like a bull rider, it's somehow OK.

It's like someone has to literally chainsaw LeBron's head from his body and punt it into Biscayne Bay to maybe get a flagrant foul call against some of these dipshits.

Vengeance will righteously be inflicted on all those who continue to treat LeBron like one of those kick-boxing dummies. And the wrath will come down in the shape of a Udonis Haslem foot straight into your asshole. Sideways. So chill.

 

Five Things We Learned From the Miami Heat's Game 2 Win Over the Bobcats

1. Chris Bosh Is The Silk Sledgehammer Bosh seemed to sleepwalk his way through Game 1 and, aside from a key block at the end of that game, was mostly a nonfactor. But Game 2 was different for Bosh. With Al Jefferson hobbling around on one foot, Bosh found his stroke again, particularly from downtown, where he went 4-for-5 from beyond the three-point arc.

Bosh has a tendency to disappear every now and then, especially when he gets into early foul trouble. But the thing about Bosh is that he's a ferocious velociraptor with giant titanium balls. While he might not strike you as someone who is an assassin on the court, mainly because he's a fun-loving guy who loves to read, that doesn't mean he won't sew your asshole to your face when it comes down to it.

Five Things We Learned From the Miami Heat's Game 2 Win Over the Bobcats

BONUS FUN STAT Through two games, Miami has 41 points off Charlotte turnovers.

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