So, Angie Roberts was arriving home from a bike ride Wednesday afternoon when she spotted a dude jerking off behind the bushes outside her house.
When the man spotted Angie, he walked over and asked her if she had a boyfriend, like a pimp.
Shockingly, Angie told him she did not.
Because he was not done yet thoroughly creeping her the shit out, the man asked Angie if she worked out.
Angie ignored the man and walked into her home. When she looked out her window, she again spotted the man spanking the monkey.
According to a Greenacres police arrest report, 19-year-old Melchisedech Anivain Isoph of Lake Worth, was arrested on three misdemeanor counts of indecent exposure after he whacked it outside 43-year-old Roberts' Gladiator Circle home.
Roberts says Isoph stood there, polishing the helmet, for a solid ten minutes.
Apparently, Isoph walked back and forth between his bicycle and the bushes while he jacked it a total of three times, according to Roberts.
Not wanting a strange dude fapping outside her house, she called the cops.
Roberts said she felt like she needed to stall for time for the police to get to the house, so she took her puppy outside.
Isoph then took this opportunity to ask Roberts if she needed a dog sitter.
The cops eventually arrived. Isoph explained to them that he was "only peeing" behind the bushes.
Roberts made it clear that he was not peeing.
Isoph was booked into the Palm Beach County Jail late Wednesday and released Thursday morning.
"It's like he didn't care," Roberts told the Sun Sentinel. "I started thinking, my window's open -- is he going to break into my house? This guy wasn't stopping, so I was thinking, what's he going to do next?"
Probably feel bad about himself and then take a nap, would be our guess.
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