Florida: Today Is the Last Day to Legally Have Sex With Animals
Attention, Florida: Today is the last day to legally buck a bronco, hump a horse, grope a goat, or perform any other activities related to barnyard bangin'.
Senate Bill 344, which bans "sexual contact" and "sexual conduct" with animals, goes into effect on Saturday.
Unfortunately for animal sexers, several people have faced charges in Florida after being caught fornicating with fauna; however, we couldn't find a case of anyone being convicted.
Police say Eugene Hickman, a 54-year-old DeFuniak Springs resident, was arrested in June after his grandson walked into a bedroom and saw him naked on top of the family bulldog, attempting to have sex with it.
According to the Walton County Clerk, Hickman is scheduled to go to trial in November on an animal cruelty charge as well as a charge of lewd and lascivious exhibition charge for allegedly doing the deed in front of the kid.
The courts and prosecutors have gone both ways on the issue of wildlife whoopee -- in 2004, Ocala resident Randol Mitchell's girlfriend walked in on him having sex with her Rottweiler and was charged with animal cruelty. In 2005, Alan Yoder was charged with animal cruelty after he was caught having sex with his guide dog in Tallahassee, but that charge was later changed to breaching the peace. The judges in both cases withheld adjudication.
Still, State Sen. Nan Rich's bill banning sex with animals didn't pass until her third attempt because legislators were convinced they were wasting their time on something that never happens.
As ex-New Times Juice-man Thomas Francis can tell you, people having sex with animals happens a lot more than you'd think.
We'll bet someone a dollar that Cody Beck is still having sex with horses in Arizona, and there are even more cases around Florida that have occurred over the years.
In 2009, a Panhandle man asphyxiated the family goat while having sex with it, and there was a horse incident in the Keys shortly thereafter.
The moral of the story -- come tomorrow, it's definitely illegal to fondle, have sex with, help someone else have sex with, cause someone to have sex with, have sexual contact with "however slight," or permit someone on your property to have sex with an animal.
If you're really concerned about getting caught screwing animals after today, don't fret -- it's only a misdemeanor.
Click here to read the law as it is on the books.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss New Times Broward-Palm Beach's biggest stories.