For Once, We Agree With Allen West -- Please "Go to War" to Defend Our Freedom From Ungodly Democrats (and Win Election You Lost)
Jon Stewart talks about this sort of nonsense a lot. Every election, he gets asked who he wants to win based not on his own political leanings but on comedy. Who will provide the best fodder for the meat grinder? Invariably, Stewart says something along the lines that it's not the characters or personality that makes great material; it's the absurdity of the American political machine.
We're here to tell you: That's stupid.
It's totally about personality!
Exhibit A: Allen West. Dude has been sooooooo good to us. He says all sorts of kooky (hate-filled), ideological, and sometimes, sexually graphic things that make him wonderful to write about. Indeed, politics can get boring -- especially with cyborg Obamatron back in power. But what's never dull? Allen Motherfucking West. Our world at Pulp would indeed be a drearier place if West vanished into obscurity.
But who are we kidding. That's NEVER going to happen: West is always on Twitter! (Hooray?)
Right now, everyone but the Associated Press and Allen West has said our boy has lost the election to Democrat Patrick Murphy, but West will. Not. Be. Denied. He's said he'll "go to war" over the Florida recount because nothing endows legitimacy like taking your electoral position with force, even the metaphoric kind.
Yesterday morning, the St. Lucie County Canvassing Board began a partial recount, throwing open the 37,000 absentee ballots once more for a look. We're still waiting back on those results. West has alleged some incompetence regarding those absentee ballots, and if true, he may still pull this one out. With his 164,448 votes, he's down only by 2,242 votes to Murphy's 166,890.
Suck on that, libs: West is coming back!
And we here at the Pulp rejoice. Perhaps not for the functionality of our democracy, considering that West's ideological obstinacy makes even Eric Cantor look conciliatory, but for the juice. If West wins this second term and throws in a few more XXX notes we're happy as happy can be.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss New Times Broward-Palm Beach's biggest stories.
- Hollywood Looks to Build Affordable Housing for Artists
Thu., Feb. 11, 7:00pm
Fri., Feb. 12, 6:00pm
Fri., Feb. 12, 7:30pm
Sat., Feb. 13, 6:00pm
- Divers Protest Beach Renourishment Project in Broward
- UniverSoul Circus Still Uses Elephants, Draws Protesters in Miramar