Gov. Rick Scott Makes It Official: You Have Only Four Months to Legally Have Sex With Animals
Sad news today for all of Florida's horse-humpers and goat-gropers -- you have only four more months to have sex with animals.
Gov. Rick Scott today signed the Legislature's anti-bestiality bill -- Senate Bill 344 -- which makes it illegal for humans to get jiggy with other members of the animal kingdom beginning October 1.
This was actually the third attempt by the Legislature to ban barnyard bangin', since legislators were convinced they were wasting their time on something that never happens.
In 2009, a Panhandle man asphyxiated the family goat while having sex with it, and there was a horse incident in the Keys shortly thereafter.
And don't forget, Cody Beck is still out there somewhere, along with the other estimated 2 to 8 percent of the population researchers believe lust for animal pleasure.
Scott's signature comes with good timing too, since horse herpes is running rampant in other parts of the country.
Thus, in October, it'll become illegal to fondle, have sex with, help someone else have sex with, cause someone to have sex with, have sexual contact with "however slight," or permit someone on your property to have sex with an animal.
If you're really concerned about getting caught screwing animals after October 1, don't fret -- it's only a misdemeanor.
Read the entire text of the bill here.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss New Times Broward-Palm Beach's biggest stories.
- Rick Scott Declares State of Emergency as Tropical Storm Erika Approaches
Fri., Sep. 4, 11:30am
Fri., Sep. 4, 6:35pm
Sat., Sep. 5, 11:30am
Sat., Sep. 5, 7:00pm
- Kim and Kanye Pastor Rich Wilkerson Debuting Reality-TV Show
- Study: Fort Lauderdale Worst City in America for College-Educated Women to Date (Best...