Hard Knocks Episode 3: HUMP WEEK
Last night's episode of Hard Knocks featured rookies singing, Reggie Bush leading, offensive linemen puking and a sad puppet.Most of all, it featured what might be the turning point in the franchise's future: Ryan Tannehill winning the starting quarterback job... and then offensive lineman Richie Incognito telling him, "Don't fuck it up."Here's your recap:
-- Things got kicked off with Reggie Bush, Karlos Dansby, and Jake Long approaching Joe Philbin about their displeasure in seeing Chad Johnson cut.
The three tell Philbin that they'd like to be included when coaches think a player is acting like a total dick and should be cut. Because of leadership.
Joe Philbin's reaction to the Leadership Council was pretty much, "Not sure what you could have done to keep Chad from head-butting his wife. But, uh, yea sure, you can be included."
-- Episode 3 also gave us a closer look at the sack of old lady diarrhea that is the offensive line. Particularly John Jerry, who is overweight and shown huffing and puffing throughout practice drills. At one point, the coaches keep sending him out to do more and more reps, and that idea was rewarded with shots of Jerry horking his balls out.
"I need... a break... too ... many... reps... I ... uh... *PUUUUUKE* ... ... *PUUUUKE*... "
-- Joe Philbin is Mr. Mackey.
-- The scene with the rookies putting on a talent show for their teammates was pretty great. Even more so, Philbin asking Jeff Ireland if they kept it clean during the show.
That Joe Philbin fucking hates the shit out of profanity.
-- The show focused on the second pre-season game, against the Carolina Panthers. Particularly on Jonathan Martin getting crushed by opposing pass rushers, and then subsequently seeing those pass rushers blowing up Tannehill's ass in the process.
John Jerry had a solid game, though. So all that puking did him some good.
-- We also got a glimpse of Michael Egnew getting his ass chewed out good and proper for the second week in a row.
Coach: "GO FUCKING BLOCK SOMEONE!"
Egnew: /vacant stare
-- ARBITRARY SHOTS OF LES BROWN AND HIS HOT GIRLFRIEND VISITING GATOR LAND
-- The episode ended with Matt Moore finding out his fate that he will no longer be the starting quarterback for the Miami Dolphins. To his credit, the guy took his demotion like a pro and proclaimed his loyalty to Philbin and the coaching staff.
And then he went and drank his sorrows away.
Tannehill being told he has the job was pretty epic, in that, he better fucking be the guy already!
NEXT WEEK: How will Tannehill do?
Hard Knocks airs on HBO every Tuesday at 10 p.m.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you'll never miss New Times Broward-Palm Beach's biggest stories.