Hollywood Beach Is the Best Place on Earth, and Here's Why
Hollywood Beach is the best place on Earth. It's not even close. When you're walking around Hollywood Beach, you're walking on sunshine.
Sure, there are other places in Broward and all parts in between. By why the hell even bother?
If hitting up the beach to lie out, take in some sun, grab a slice, and have a drink or two is something you find awesome, then the debate is over.
Need more specifics? Pfft. Fine. Here now are the reasons Hollywood Beach is the best place on Earth:
10. The Weather, Bitches!
Look at that chart (click to enlarge). Sure, this is Florida, and it's gonna be warm and tropical pretty much all over the place. But if you've ever spent any time in Hollywood Beach, you know things are extra special tropical there. Maybe it's the sea breeze constantly wafting in from the ocean. Maybe it's the sand and sea. Maybe it's all the sexy. Whatever it is, the summers are hot, and the winters are mild at Hollywood Beach.
9. It's the Only Place on Earth Where You Can Ride a Segway Without Looking Like a Complete Asshole.
8. You Can Dance Under the Stars Here
The Hollywood Beach Theater is home to a stage where local bands play cover tunes and rock out in the open air. And it's here that you'll find the area's locals, gypsies, hippies, beach bums, and bar flies hanging out and dancing to a Springsteen hit. There's no pretense here. Just a place to get your crazy on and dance until you drop. Or until it's time to hit another bar. Or, you can sit and watch the band and get a glimpse of some seriously spacy folks getting their dance on.
7. So. Many. Bars.
Seriously. Walk down Hollywood Beach and try not to find a bar. They're everywhere. And the booze is cheap and flows generously. Hollywood Beach is the perfect place to get properly sloshed while watching the waves lap onto the shore.
6. Getting Around Is Pretty Easy
Places like Fort Lauderdale Beach and South Beach are cool for cruising around narrow blocks and jammed-up traffic while people look at your car and judge you. Hey, that might be your thing, if you're that insecure and narcissistic. But Hollywood Beach is built around the simple concept that people just want to go to the beach and do beachy things. Arrive, park, get out, lie down. Boom. There's always parking to be found with meters or garages. And while the Margaritaville construction is something of a pain in the ass at the moment, it's only going to bring more parking spaces in the future. Basically, in Hollywood Beach, there are no overly congested streets littered with hipsters on their scooters or douchebags in their convertibles.
5. No Annoying Ass Trends or Pretense Here
South Beach is trendy! Fort Lauderdale is spring breaky! Ooh, look at me with my mojito making a duckface for a selfie in front of the Clevelander! Fuck trendy. Screw pretensions. You want trendy, go to the Sawgrass Mills Mall, hit up the Nordstrom rack, and buy yourself a pair of chinos. Otherwise, who gives a shit? You come to Hollywood Beach to enjoy a day at the beach, chill, and look at pretty girls in bikinis on rollerblades. Sand, sun, wind, alcohol, swimming. That's all that we're about.
(South Beach) I think I see a spot. Wait. No. There! Ah. No. GAH!
4. You'll Find the Least Amount of Tourists Here Than Pretty Much Anywhere Else in South Florida
Every beach is going to be filled with tourists. We're Florida, and we're awesome. But Miami Beach is the bigger draw. It's trendy. It's hip. It's worldwide. It's why it sucks. Fort Lauderdale Beach attracts the Eurotrash elites while places like Dania will usually bring people from our own state on staycation. The hell is that about? Hollywood Beach has its fair share of tourists as well, but it's mostly families that aren't loud or obnoxious or out-of-towners who've been down our way before and have wised up enough where they aren't obtrusive. Crowds are bad. Loud, obnoxious foreign crowds, even more so. There is a local flair in Hollywood Beach you won't find anywhere else.
3. The Nightlife Is Chill, and the Music Rocks
Hollywood Beach is just a cool place to chill at night. Whether you want to take a nightly stroll or jog on the Broadwalk, hit up a tiki bar for dollar beers, or take in a performance on the Hollywood Beach Theatre stage, it's all here, and it's all good. Hollywood Beach is well-lit, and the bars are open late. If you want to take a moonlight stroll by the water, the beach is literally right there. You can't do that in Miami Beach after the sun goes down. And in Fort Lauderdale, the tide can come up and swallow you without much warning. Who needs that?
See also: Ten Best Restaurants in Hollywood
2. The Hollywood Broadwalk
Miami Beach's boardwalks are impractical. They run the length of a few blocks, then stop. Then pick up again a few blocks later, then stop. Also there's the occasional smell of piss. Fort Lauderdale has no boardwalk. And you can find fishing piers just about anywhere. But then you run the risk of going home smelling like a fish. The Broadwalk on Hollywood Beach is the tits, bar none. Not only is it literally a couple of steps away from the sand but it's adorned with all kinds of oceanfront bars, restaurants, ice cream shops, and people looking to rent you tandem bikes. It runs a good two and a half miles and has plenty of space for walking, jogging, skateboarding, and cycling. The Broadwalk also has a paddleball court, playgrounds, picnic pavilions, a water spout thing for kids to play in, and, best of all, it doesn't smell like urine or fish.
1. It's the Best Place to Getaway From Everything
If you want an overcrowded, noisy, overall refried ass of a beach or city life experience, by all means, hit up Miami Beach or Fort Lauderdale and enjoy the crazy. If you want an overly sleepy, flatline vibe, hit up Dania Beach or Coral Springs. But if your intention is to relax, get some sun, feel the sea breeze on your face, and not worry about getting your nuts stepped on by life, then hit up Hollywood Beach.
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