How Barack Obama Should Now Respond to Rick Scott's Letter: Shut Up
"A Ray hat? Really? Ugh."
Earlier this week, Rick Scott decided a tweet just wasn't enough. Nor was a Facebook message. Nor an email.
Rick instead did something wild. He wrote a letter, slapped a stamp on it, and shipped it across the land to Barack Obama in the White House using something called the "U.S. Postal Service." (We haven't heard of it either.)
Then Rick Scott did something really crazy: He accused Obama of not doing his job. "As the chief executive of this country, it is imperative that your administration do the hard work... If your administration fails to do its job to responsibly manage the budget, thousands of Floridians will lose their jobs under sequestration" (italics his: Booya, Rick).
Then Rick went on to excoriate BO some more. If only, Rick Scott said, Barack Obama was more like Rick Scott, the United States would be a fiscally sound land of balanced budgets and an unemployment rate that's "almost down to national average."
(Hooray, Florida! Almost average!)
Here's what Obama should say in return.
Office of the President of the United States
Dear Lord Voldemort,
Puh-leaze. Were you watching what happened yesterday? There I was, trying to negotiate and continue my economic recovery that will save your ass, when some dude named John Boner ruined everything.
Here's what went down: We were talking about what should be cut, when the Boner lost his vigor, and gave an unreasonable ultimatum. If additional revenues materialize, Boner said, no deal.
(Side note: Didn't we just have an election on this?!?)
Then your Republican pals -- after they agreed losing "thousands" of Florida jobs was no biggie -- cheered and hurrahed.
"I think Friday will be an important day that shows we're finally willing to stand and fight for conservative principles and force Washington to start living within its means," Rep. Steve Scalise, R-Louisiana, told the New York Times. "And that will be a big victory."
Added Republican Mick Mulvaney of South Carolina: "I get the feeling that our party is probably more unified now than it has been at any time in the last several months."
Unity! Job loss! Florida!
So, Rick. Who's not doing their jobs right now? Is it me -- who won an election over the Romnoms, earned a national mandate to raise some taxes, and tried to negotiate with Boner for a third time -- or your Republican pals?
If Florida loses some jobs because of the sequestration, don't look at me, buddy.
Look at your party.
The Motherfucking President.
Get the Weekly Newsletter
Our weekly feature stories, movie reviews, calendar picks and more - minus the newsprint and sent directly to your inbox.
- Black Bear Hunting Could Become Legal in Florida This Summer
Fri., July 17, 6:35 p.m.
Fri., July 17, 8 p.m.
Sat., July 18, 5:35 p.m.
Sun., July 19, 5:05 p.m.
- Activists Plan Candlelight Vigil at Miami Seaquarium Executive's Home
- Fort Lauderdale Tech Company Helps New Mexico with Marijuana Sales