Inauguration Update: Boobs Not Welcome in a Post-Bush World
This may come as a disappointment to all those Wag the Dog conspiracy theorists, but the inauguration of Barack Obama as the 44th president of the United States was not a CGI stunt; it really happened, reports Juice Capitol Correspondent Deirdra Funcheon. She witnessed the ceremony firsthand, over the heads of a few million other humans, from approximately a mile away:
To be around a million or two million people listening to a Jumbotron, it was an overwhelming phenomenon. When Obama was giving his speech, I expected people to freak out and jump around, but they were oddly calm. There was a sense of people just absorbing what was happening. I think this was a moment that all of these millions of people had come so far to see. That must be why it was so calm.
While the audience was a diverse mix racially, Deirdra reports that there was a surprising lack of social variety. Groups of Obama volunteers, high school and middle school classes, families, but relatively few punks / protesters, save for a group of New Mexico residents who toted "Arrest Bush" signs and maneuvered themselves cleverly in the foreground of network television shots.
There was this collective sigh of relief when it ended safely. And nobody really talked until they began to walk away.
Did they talk about how they're going to heed
the Liberal Media's call for an "era of responsibility"?
No, they were talking about where to go for an expensive latte, or what galas they were going to.
Well, does the New President expect them to build a New America without caffeine?
As the group of patriots flocked away from the Mall and headed for the Metro they spotted a young lady on the third floor of an apartment building, concealing her face behind Venetian blinds so that she could perform a freedom flash, which can be viewed after the jump.
There's our topless heroine at the top of the shot.
The patriots did not toss beads at this brave young American. "I'm sure her father's proud of her," grumbled one observer, with a roll of the eyes. Said another, "Barack would not approve."
Got that, everybody? Responsibility is in. Boobs are out.
Get the Weekly Newsletter
Our weekly feature stories, movie reviews, calendar picks and more - minus the newsprint and sent directly to your inbox.
- No Marlins Players Showed Up to Event That Promised Fans They'd Meet Marlins Players
- Heather Hironimus Signs Consent for Son's Circumcision
- Naked Fort Lauderdale Man Rescued Off Raised Drawbridge