LeBron James and the Heat Smash the OKC Thunder 110-100
The Oklahoma City Thunder are among the best, most dangerous teams in the NBA. Particularly on their home floor, where they storm the court like bloodthirsty grizzly bears, frothing at the mouth, scoring at will, and laying waste NBA teams that dare walk onto Chesapeake Energy Arena to take them on.
And then there's LeBron James. Half-man, half-machine, all awesome, stepping onto that very same court, deftly maneuvering through the OKC defense, hurtling through the stratosphere at Mach 1 billion, and decimating the crawling death maw known as the Oklahoma City Thunder, reminding them and everyone else in the Universe that the Miami Heat are world champions and that the true MVP plays, works, and feasts among them.
In other words, LeBron James played really, really ridiculously well against OKC again, and the Heat won 110-100.
In a game soaked in playoff atmosphere and amid talk of who the true league MVP is and certain alt weekly chiefs predicting a Heat loss, James flipped on the afterburners and poured down 39 points, 12 rebounds, and seven assists Thursday night.
While his efficiency rating went down because he threw up and missed a few shots -- thus ending his record-setting streak of high-scoring games and face-smashing accuracy -- LeBron still leads the NBA with the most games played with least 30 points and ten rebounds.
Compare LeBron to LeBron (like comparing Zeus to Zeus), his efficiency letdown was a bummer. Compare LeBron to everyone else, and he shot 58 percent for the game.
But the most important fact of this game was that LeBron blew the asses clean off of Kevin Durant, Russell Westbrook, and the rest of the Thunder with his defense, face-melting dunks, and his set-your-crotch-on-fire jump shots.
Durant, who is an all-world ball wrecker himself, scored 40 but missed a bunch of shots, while Westbrook scored 26 but turned the ball over six times.
Point being: LeBron kung-fued the shit out of the Thunder with his surgical efficiency, once again proving that it's him and a bunch of really talented mortals on the NBA court every single night.
With LeBron leading the way and Chris Bosh shoving a goddamned hand grenade up the asses of anyone and everyone who has dared called him "soft," scoring 20 points on 10-for-14 shooting, with 12 rebounds and establishing his inside presence against Serge Ibaka and Moose Pussy like a velociraptor that came to feast, the Heat never trailed in the game.
While LeBron and Dwyane Wade were unconscious with their offense, Bosh waited in the weeds, quietly anticipating his attack.
Just before the half, as the Thunder seemed to be gaining momentum and slicing the Heat lead down, Miami took possession. OKC stops them, and they could come into the second half feeling pretty good about themselves and take advantage of their home court.
The ball was inbounded, the OKC faithful was in a frenzy, and just before the buzzer went off, Bosh took the pass inside the paint, emphatically dunked it, and let out a dinoroar "BIAAGGHHHAARGHH!!!!"
Which means, "OKC's 'momentum' can eat a giant bowl of my dino dick," or something to that effect.
Get the Weekly Newsletter
Our weekly feature stories, movie reviews, calendar picks and more - minus the newsprint and sent directly to your inbox.