LeBron James Obliterates Tiago Splitter With a Devastating Block, Leads Heat to 1-1 Series Tie
With the Heat facing the prospect of having to travel to San Antonio down 0-2 in their best-of-seven NBA Finals series, Miami found itself in its most must-win game of the season on Sunday night.
The Spurs had come off a gut-punching victory over Miami in Game 1, highlighted by a Tony Parker's circus shot as time expired on the shot clock that Heat fans have had to watch replayed roughly 800,0000,0000,0000 times.
But then Game 2 arrived, and the Heat decided to play suffocating defense and shoot lights-out as it went on to blow San Antonio's assholes clean off in a 103-84 blowout.
The catalyst of the victory came after LeBron James ball-knocked the entire city of San Antonio in its collective nutsack with a block that devastated lives for generations to come and caused the oceans to boil, turned the moon to blood, and made the sun as black as sackcloth.
Game 2 was razor-thin going into the second half. Even as the Heat played stifling defense and Tim Duncan was held in check, the Spurs kept things close thanks mostly to guys like Danny Green being total assholes and making every damned three-pointer they'd throw into the sky.
And then Tiago Splitter decided to go head-to-head with the ass-crushing, face-demolishing behemoth that is the Cobradick, a man capable of head-butting skyscrapers and swallowing the moon like an Altoids mint.
LeBron simply obliterated Splitter's dunk attempt, altering the tides and changing the face of the game, in one cataclysmic, bone-grinding block.
What followed after that was carnage. Nine full minutes of mindless, merciless annihilation that will cause people who witnessed it to shudder and involuntarily shit their pants whenever they speak of it.
The Heat went on to drop-kick the Spurs in their collective esophagus in a ball-crushing 33-5 that left the smoldering corpses of Spurs players scattered about and made Gregg Popovich supermad.
Ignited by LeBron's block, the Heat unleashed fireballs of destruction with an offensive barrage that was so fierce, it's illegal to even speak of it in places like France. Ray Allen, Mike Miller, Mario Chalmers, and LeBron himself unleashed a fury of threes, while the Spurs could do nothing but helplessly get themselves eviscerated in the carnage and basketball destruction.
Seriously, the Spurs were up 62-61 with four minutes left in the third quarter.
The next thing anyone knew, Tony Parker was running around the court with his arms torn off. Tim Duncan had a cleaver in his face. And Manu Ginobili had a LeBron James' foot-sized hole in his ass.
That's when Popovich decided to call in the medics and had his starters hauled away on stretchers like after a Civil War battle.
Here's the entire sequence:
The Spurs, looking to run their pick-and-roll, were looking for a way to stem the bleeding and get an easy basket.
Splitter rolled off a screen and took a bounce pass from Parker for what looked like it was about to be a monster of a flush-down dunk.
With his massive strength, blinding speed, and otherworldly athleticism, LeBron appeared as if from nowhere, rose up and met Splitter in the air, and proceeded to destroy all the Spurs' hopes and dreams of taking a 2-0 series lead back home.
In less than 40 seconds, LeBron James blocked a would-be monster dunk and got a three-point assist.
It was the kind of play that can alter a series as well as tear a hole in the fabric of the space/time continuum.
The key to the Game 2 carnage -- besides the face-melting apocalyptic block by LeBron -- was the Heat's horde of crazy-faced defenders swarming all over the Spurs like lightning-quick flesh-eating nano-robots.
After the Spurs committed only four turnovers in Game 1, the cock-punching Heat defense caused 12 turnovers in Game 2. It held Duncan to just nine points and forced their coach to throw in the towel well before the game was anywhere near over.
While the focus will be on the 33 points scored during that insane run, the more impressive feat to remember is the five points they let San Antonio score.
The Spurs, one of the most efficient and surgical offenses in the NBA, scored only five points in nine minutes.
When the Heat decides to grab a team by the balls and squeeze until they make a diamond, shit gets real.
It brings down some real Old Testament style-ruin upon its opponents.
If Miami is going to win this series, this is how it's going to do it.
When the Heat play denutting defense like it did in Game 2, peppered with an epically awesome highlight or two delivered by LeBron, the Heat is unbeatable.
Game 3 is on Tuesday at San Antonio, Tipoff is at 9:00 p.m.
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