After he was forced out of Game 1 with cramps and had to be carried to the bench by Heat trainers, the Twittersphere began mocking LeBron James with a viral #LeBroning hashtag that showed people being carried in pain.
In Game 2, LeBron took #LeBroning and bent it, torqued it, crushed it, and molded it into what he thinks it should be.
So now #LeBroning doesn't mean being carried off in pain anymore. #LeBroning stands for the physical embodiment of the ass-wrecking, planet-crushing, face-destroying power that emanates from one LeBron James.
- LEBRON CAN NEVER SIT AGAIN!
It takes a special kind of amazeballs player to be completely eviscerated by the entire planet because his body ceased working with debilitating cramps one night, only to bounce back and silence the masses by completely torching the basketball court with his prowess the next night.
LeBron James is that amazeballs player.
Yet when James does need that breather, the Heat seems to wilt without him, even with Chris Bosh and Dwyane Wade on the floor.
For those who insist that complaining about no A/C in Game 1 was nothing but whining, look at how bad the Heat is without him on the floor and how kick-you-in-the-balls awesome it is when he's in the game:
Heat with LeBron on-court: +10, shooting 57.1% (16-28 FG) | LeBron off-court: -10, shooting 1-9 FG. (via @ESPNStatsInfo)
— Tom Haberstroh (@tomhaberstroh) June 9, 2014
Simply put, the Heat have outscored San Antonio by 11 points and have shot 60 percent when LeBron is on the floor during these Finals.
REST WHEN YOU'RE DEAD, COBRA!
Game 2 really was a sight to behold. With the Spurs hitting threes at an insanely ridiculous clip, Wade playing sloppy, and the Heat defense collapsing during every San Antonio possession, LeBron kept coming in waves, with the very same toughness so many continue to insist he doesn't have, and buried shot after shot.
And the shots fell. From the post, from the perimeter, from the three-point line, like the falling, smoldering embers raining down from an active volcano, burying all hopes below.
No matter how much the vaunted Spurs' offense did to break Miami's back, LeBron was simply better. Better than Tim Duncan's high-percentage shots. Better than Tony Parker all of a sudden hitting threes. Better than the Spurs shooting 46 percent from three.
Better than the hate.
LeBron scored 22 points on 8-for-11 shooting in the second half, including 3-for-3 from the three-point line.
He was an unflinching, unselfish star who ignited his opponents, doubters, haters, critics, foes, and comparisons to Michael Jordan with a flamethrower in a wonton basketball slaughter that left no doubt about who the best player on the planet is.
In the end, LeBron followed up The Cramp Game and the raining knives of criticisms and venom with a 35-point, ten-rebound performance that tied the series heading back to Miami.
-Chris Bosh Dino Awesomeness
In our Finals preview, we said Bosh would have some big moments, because he was no longer tethered to the tough matchup the Pacers presented. And, so far, WE ARE A BASKETBALL GENIUS.
Bosh has stepped up as LeBron's worthy sidekick with solid, back-to-back performances, but none bigger than his ass-wrecking play in Game 2.
There are times when he gets swallowed up by Tim Duncan, but that's to be expected against the Spurs' best player. But Bosh holds his own. And in Game 2, we saw more than just his silky-smoove jumpers falling from the sky. We saw him attacking the rim and devouring Thiago Splitter like a hungry velociraptor that makes funny faces at the camera and screams a lot.
(EAT IT UP IN SPANISH)
Of course, Bosh's biggest moment came with a minute left in the fourth quarter. With LeBron smashing dicks and collapsing the Spurs' defense, Bosh was able to reboot his Game 5 miss against the Pacers in the Eastern Conference Finals by running the same play but this time knocking down the three.
And then, with just 24 seconds remaining and the Heat clinging to a three-point lead, Bosh again attacked the rim. But because the Spurs feared his ferociousness and his previous attacks to the rim gave San Antonio collective shrinkage, Boris Diaw and Tim Duncan went at Bosh to try to stop him from dunking. But this was a mistake. Because Bosh is a clever velociraptor, and he roundhouse-kicked San Antonio's hopes of going 2-0 in the Finals right in the proverbial nutsack with a bounce pass to an open Dwyane Wade for a game-sealing layup.
- Mario Chalmers Is a Fucking Idiot
He might get suspended for this. Maybe. Actually, hopefully. Because holy dick mugs, he's been atrocious.
- The Shardnado Carnage
In our Finals preview, we said that not having Mike Miller was a total bummer but that the Heat would counter that with a Voltron Mike Miller -- pieces of what made Mike a great player in big moments coming together in the form of guys like Rashard Lewis, James Jones, and Shane Battier.
In Game 2, it was Rashard. Showing flashes of his Orlando Magic days, Lewis started things off roughly. He played solid enough defense, but his shots looked like he was tossing Ziplock bags filled with piss at the basket.
But then he recovered and quietly blow a hole in the Spurs' defense with a 5-for-9, 14-point performance, giving the Heat a much-needed ass-kicky performance from someone not named James, Bosh or Wade.
You know, like Mike used to do.
Game 3 is on Tuesday at the American Airlines Arena
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