Limbaugh Grants Rare Access to Silly Ideas, Contributes to Poop Problem in Palm Beach
Rush Limbaugh granted a rare interview recently to a reporter from the London Telegraph, even giving Nigel Farndale access to his secret lair. Nigel reports that he went to a nondescript building 100 yards from the ocean that was fairly accessible and included no imperial stormtroopers:
He calls it his 'Southern Command', having spent most of his career broadcasting from New York, and describes it on air as 'heavily fortified', yet when you travel up in a lift and step into a glass and leather reception area, there isn't even a receptionist, let alone a security guard, just several white locked doors and a CCTV camera that follows you. One of the doors buzzes. I am expected.
Nigel watched Limbaugh record his radio show from behind a glass partition, which I'm assuming was a vault filled with air enhanced by OxyContin. Then Limbaugh sat down with Nigel and had an enlightened conversation about global warming. Limbaugh said:
"Nigel, man-made global warming is a 100 percent, full-fledged, undeniable hoax."
Now, see, that's why Rush Limbaugh is great. That's why, if I could afford a radio, I'd be a member of the far right. Because it's the only portion of society where you can say something completely insane and not have to spend the rest of your life pushing a shopping cart down Sistrunk.
At the end of the November interview, which was just published today, Limbaugh bets his buddy Nigel a cigar that Barack Obama would lose. Nigel, you need a light?
After the jump, will Rush Limbaugh deny science again and go swimming in poop?
Scientists Full of What's Floating off Palm Beach
If you're like me and Rush Limbaugh, then you think those fancypants scientists with their voodoo microscopes have made up global warming. And if you're like me and Rush Limbaugh, then you're the kind of guy who should have been swimming off Palm Beach yesterday. Because what do the scientists know really about whether it's safe to swim among raw sewage? And how can they know really that yesterday was totally unsafe while today they're recommending that your children go splash around in the shallows? So yeah, me and Rush Limbaugh say that it's ok to be the first one in the water after the raw sewage has supposedly drifted out to sea.
Moore Doodie Found on Shore
Former Lehman Brothers CEO Dick Fuld reportedly sold his $13.75 million Jupiter Island home for just $10 recently. Critics might say that he's trying to hide assets as Lehman Brothers creditors come knocking, but me and Rush Limbaugh say this is another attempt by the liberal media to attack a good man. Why, just yesterday when I was swimming past Fuld's mansion, I said, "Holy crap, what is that floating there?" Then I said, "Is that Rush Limbaugh with Dick Fuld?" Then I realized: "No wait, it's shit."
Get the Weekly Newsletter
Our weekly feature stories, movie reviews, calendar picks and more - minus the newsprint and sent directly to your inbox.
- Activists to American Doctors: Don't Circumcise 4-Year-Old; Consent Was Forced
- Recent American Heritage High School Grad Killed in Terrible Car Accident
- In Killing of Police Dogs, Cops Usually Get Light Punishment