Man Known as "G-Funk" Running for Broward Commission to Unseat "Old Farts Making Dumb Decisions"

Man Known as "G-Funk" Running for Broward Commission to Unseat "Old Farts Making Dumb Decisions"
Gervan Moise via Facebook

My conversation with Gervan "G-Funk" Moise, a man who will clearly end up running the entire state of Florida, ended when he shut down the phone call. We'd been speaking for one minute.

I reached Moise by phone at around 3:50 p.m. Wednesday. He announced this week that he's running for the Broward County Commission, and I wanted to know why. Upon taking my call, Moise told me he wasn't going to speak to me, and that I had to email him a list of questions instead. 

"I can't be sure you are who you say you are," he told me. So I sent him a list of boilerplate questions, the sort that any self-respecting political candidate would be happy to answer, like, "How old are you?," "Where do you live?," and "Do you have any political experience?"

Before sending me a response, Moise posted a photo of my email to his Facebook page:

According to the Broward County Supervisor of Elections, Moise announced his candidacy on Monday. He's a Democrat and is running to unseat the incumbent Dale Holness in District 9, which encompasses parts of Fort Lauderdale, Oakland Park, Lauderdale Lakes, and Lauderhill. The primary election is August 30.

Moise has one obvious problem from the get-go: According to his filing reports, he lives in Sunrise, Florida, which is over in Mayor Marty Kiar's District 1. But if there is anyone who can overcome silly things like basic election laws, it's G-Funk. Dale Holness never bragged about having the streets behind him.

Eventually, Moise got back to us at 8:33 yesterday morning, having answered some of our questions, and apparently making a few of his own up:

"I was motivated to run for county commission because you have three clowns running," he said. "You have someone who has been in Tallahassee forever and even his own mom doesn't have a sidewalk in front of her yard. Then you have another commissioner dude who is more focused on being the prime minister of Broward. Then you have a cross between a wannabe Gordon Gekko & Hannibal Lecter who works for Italians somewhere. So I figure if these clowns are running then why shouldn't I."

Though I'm not sure what any of that meant, I'm actually sort of convinced, minus that weird bit about Italians.

He then provided us some basic info: He's lived in Broward, in his words, "ALL MY LIFE."

"I live in the Hood like POPPA the Rolling Stone. Wherever I lay my hat is my home,'" he said.

He ignored a question about what he does for a living, but says he's 35 and has kids, though he stressed his age "has nothing to do with anything. There are lots of old farts in our community making dumb decisions," he said. Again, this was a point I can get behind. (By this point in the email it was clear I was behind whatever platform G-Funk is running on.)

Court records show that he changed his last name from "Longuefosse" to "Moise" in 2012. He has been convicted of multiple felonies, including aggravated battery and cocaine possession. (We should note that convicted felons can't hold public office in Florida until they've had their rights restored.)

"I've made some terrible decisions in my life no one is perfect, especially most of the politicians I know of," he said via email. "I am a changed man I haven't bumped heads with the law in 8 years, and I never plan to." He then added: "All I want to do is make a difference, and give opportunities."

As for Moise's political experience, the candidate says he's gotten enough just from watching "the sorry ass leaders of my district go from church to church and lie, and still can't even get their relatives a job, off Flocka, or even raise enough money to get one kid a full scholarship." Though I'm not sure Moise's statistics are correct there, I stand behind him in spirit.

He says he's now trying to meet with Holness and his main competition, Democrat Chris Smith, in order to help "get people jobs" in the district.

"In reality though, all of Central Broward is my family, from the crack heads, the old Pa Pas [sic] under the shade tree, to the underpaid school employees who are expected to correct social problems in kids that start at home," he said.

Reached by phone, Holness told New Times he had not yet heard that Moise was running against him. Holness also said he didn't consider himself an "old fart" making "dumb decisions." (He also laughed quite heartily at the thought.)

"Not every decision we make is perfect," Holness said. "But we try to ensure we’re benefiting people of Broward County — all the people — and are inclusive in ensuring everyone in the county can engage in any aspect of life." As for Moise's candidacy, he added: "I suppose it's a free country."

Moise apparently uses two nicknames online, "G-Funk" and "G-Money." Though we would have taken "I do that because it's awesome," for an answer, Moise instead offered this:

"I refer to myself as GMONEY online because 'The Game is to be Sold not Told.' But these Fake incumbents selling out our community for some grilled chicken and rice pilaf Just because a lobbyist invite them to lunch on Las Olas."

That's... actually quite astute. Looking forward to your administration, Commissioner Funk-Money.


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