Marco Rubio Is Not Sure How Old the Earth Is
Earlier today we talked about how Marco Rubio is gonna charisma his way to the top of the presidential charts in 2016.
As part of the whole getting himself into the psyches of sad Republicans, Rubes sat down with GQ for an interview.
In the Q&A, Rubio was asked how old he thinks the Earth is. His answer: "I'm not a scientist, man."
Ha. Ha. Good one, senator! Who is a scientist, really, when you think about it?
Also, please answer the damned question.
"At the end of the day, I think there are multiple theories out there on how the universe was created and I think this is a country where people should have the opportunity to teach them all."
Hmmm. Multiple theories, you say? And they all should be taught? Go on...
"I think parents should be able to teach their kids what their faith says, what science says."
He also added:
"Whether the Earth was created in 7 days, or 7 actual eras, I'm not sure we'll ever be able to answer that. It's one of the great mysteries."
I can't tell you the answer to the Earth's age because the Bible is confoosing. It's a wonderful mystery, you see.
The Bible says the Earth was created by God in seven days. But, because it was written thousands of years ago, the word "days" got translated a bunch of times, and now we're really not sure if the Bible people meant actual days or eras or hours or if maybe they were just messing with everybody's head.
Rubio cleverly tried to navigate his way out of a dicey subject that really shouldn't be all that dicey because of facts and evidence and science and shit:
"I can tell you what recorded history says, I can tell you what the Bible says, but I think that's a dispute amongst theologians and I think it has nothing to do with the gross domestic product or economic growth of the United States. I think the age of the universe has zero to do with how our economy is going to grow."
Nice try, GQ reporter! But you're not going to distract ole Rubes with a question that is based on reality and science and needs to be answered by a rising Republican politician because a huge number of his potential supporters actually believe the Earth isn't 4 billion years old and that dinosaurs either didn't exist, or they did but cavemen used them for getting around like a bus.
Rubio was also asked who is best friend is.
His answer: Republican South Carolina Sen. Jim DeMint:
"He's a great source of wisdom as a person who's had to make decisions that have made him unpopular in his own party."
DeMint once said that children should be taught creationism in schools.
DeMint also called America "God's vineyard."
A wise man indeed.
We're not sure which is more alarming: a senator who thinks America is Jesusland or people who put that senator in power.
For Rubio to weasel his way out of a simple question with an it's all a big mystery, bro is both pretty sad and pretty smart.
It speaks volumes about our vineyard.
Turns out Rubes isn't a scientist. He's just a deep thinker, man. Also, he's a Pandering McPanderpants.
Get the Weekly Newsletter
Our weekly feature stories, movie reviews, calendar picks and more - minus the newsprint and sent directly to your inbox.
- No Marlins Players Showed Up to Event That Promised Fans They'd Meet Marlins Players
- Heather Hironimus Signs Consent for Son's Circumcision
- Naked Fort Lauderdale Man Rescued Off Raised Drawbridge