When last we heard from Marco Rubio concerning the situation with Syria, he was busy saying he was all for military action, but Obama is leading from behind, so now it's probably still a good time to strike, but if only Obama had done it sooner... er something.
Well, Golden Boy is back to clarify himself on his stance on this whole Syria stuff.
And by that, we mean, he says the same thing he said last week, only this time he says if he was president things would be, like, totally different, bro.
Rubio appeared on Fox News (how brave of him!) and was asked about Obama ordering a possible military strike on Syria, and Thirsty McCottonmouth says he's cool with it, but still kind of skeptical.... because we need a time machine so that Obama, or whoever is president of Imaginary Past, USA, could then kill Assad because HINDSIGHT IS THE CLEAREST PATH TO FREEDOM.
"I don't believe we should take military action unless we have a clear and achievable goal in mind," Rubio said. "And one of the clear goals of this action he's arguing for is to impede Assad from using chemical weapons in the future. I am highly skeptical. Now we have a closed hearing tomorrow where classified information will be discussed, and I'll wait until then to reserve judgment. But I remain very skeptical that the kind of attack they're contemplating, this limited attack, is going to actually achieve that goal of preventing Assad from using chemical weapons in the future."
I'm skeptical, because of reasons!
Also, if I were President, we would have killed that Assad to death because leadershipz!:
"We have to understand, if I had been in charge -- or someone else, hopefully -- we'd have never gotten to this stage. So if we inherited this mess, which we have now, I think our obligation is to try to figure out what is the least worst option available to us because they're all bad. And part of that equation, I can't tell you right now until we go through that intelligence briefing tomorrow because one of the key questions we have to ask ourselves is, 'Who are these so-called moderates on the ground in Syria and are they even capable of taking control of the country and giving us a rational, secular, stable government?' That's a key question."
If I were in charge, we'd never let it get this far! I can't tell you how I wouldn't let it get this far, but you're just gonna have to trust me on this one!
It's been a banner year for Rubes, what with him almost dying of thirst in front of millions of Americans, and his whole immigration reform thing, and now his brave declaration on how much more awesome things would be if he were in charge without giving us specifics.
He's really going out of his way to show us what kind of president he'll make.
Because what this country truly needs, in a time of national crisis and war-weary introspection, is a Monday Morning Quarterback that wants to bomb the shit out of the Middle East.
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