Marco Rubio Says Obama's Agenda Is Redistribution
As we mentioned yesterday, Mittington Mittbot's crack team went into damage control over his now infamous "47 percent" remarks by not only releasing a 14-year-old tape that apparently shows Barack Obama
wearing a Che T-shirt and saying that the government should send everyone a check for $1 million talking about redistribution.
They also turned on the RUBIOSIGNAL, calling on Charisma Boy to save the day in a conference call with reporters.
And there he was, clad in his red, white, and blue tights and cowl, standing majestically with his gloved fists of justice at his hips in the moonlight, looking down on the redistribution evildoers. He swiftly reached into his utility belt, grasped a pellet, and threw it down. Plastic shattered everywhere as a pillar of smoke rose into the air, confusing the evil reporters. Charisma Boy then thrust a leg into one of them directly under the chin. POW! He then spun and karate-chopped another in the throat. WHAM!
"Redistribute this!" he exclaimed as he punched another in the clavicle.
In the conference call, for which he was joined by Republican Party Chairman Reince Priebus (which is kind of like Batman being joined by Aquaman), Rubio pulled no punches by saying shit we've pretty much heard GOPers say, well, all the damned time.
"Mitt Romney believes the economy can always grow, but when it grows, we can all be better off," Rubio said.
Aquaman Priebus: "We know [Obama's] agenda is an agenda of dependency."
Rubio acknowledged that Romney should have been more articulate in relaying his message on how half of America is nothing but freeloading hobos. The point is: Obama redistribution handouts government bad.
The senator then got to the point of why RoboRomney asked him to have this presser in the first place: TO CONVINCE HISPANIC VOTERS THAT OBAMA IS AFROCASTRO.
Hispanics are not going to buy into Obama's "redistribution message," Rubio insisted.
"The enormous number of people come to this country to get away from big government economics."
So Rubio didn't say anything new. Because why bother? Redistribution, man. The president said it 14 years ago, and his agenda is to just give away free shit, and that's going to destroy this nation.
Hey! Hispanics! You know better than to trust Obama. Romney's own father was a refugee of Hispanic descent! Just like you! And he came to this nation and built his own successful automobile company. On his own! With no government handouts at all!
What's that, Mama Romney?
Get the Weekly Newsletter
Our weekly feature stories, movie reviews, calendar picks and more - minus the newsprint and sent directly to your inbox.
- No Marlins Players Showed Up to Event That Promised Fans They'd Meet Marlins Players
- Heather Hironimus Signs Consent for Son's Circumcision
- Naked Fort Lauderdale Man Rescued Off Raised Drawbridge