MORE

Marco Rubio's Statement on DOMA Is a Whole Lot of Dumb

As one might expect, there are some that aren't too happy about yesterday's SCOTUS ruling that DOMA is unconstitutional and dumb and not cool at all.

One of those people is our very own Marco Rubio, who hopes to be president one day!

Cottonmouth McGee is just not down with the Supreme Court of the United States doing its job and making a ruling, because of the simple reason that he thinks marriage should be between a man and a woman and not a man and a man. What's next? A man and a goldfish? A woman and a shoe? A chicken and a tire iron? America is disintegrating!

So Rubez put out a statement on just how grumpy he is on this whole thing.

Let's take a gander at all the dumb!

"I believe the Supreme Court made a serious mistake today when it overstepped its important, but limited role. I do not believe that President Clinton and overwhelming bipartisan majorities of both houses of Congress acted with malice or intent to 'demean' a class of people when they adopted a uniform definition of marriage for the purposes of federal law."

Hey! We GOPers want to make it clear how much we hate the shit out of Bill Clinton unless we can use him to push our own viewpoints; then he's like totally the balls, man.

"The Court should not have second guessed the will of the American people acting through their elected representatives without firm constitutional justifications."

Government should be really limited. Like, super tiny. Invisible, even. Unless the government decides that it wants to limit people's lives because of religious beliefs. Because Jesus is bigger than the government. Unless he was president. Then he'd have to cool it. I'd be all, cool it, Jesus. And then we'd have a good laugh because he would never let people gay marry each other.

"I recognize that the definition of marriage and the legal status of same-sex relationships is a deeply personal and emotional issue for Americans of a variety of viewpoints."

Hey, I understand this whole thing is personal and emotional. Marriage is a very personal thing. Unless you're gay. Then, it's not at all personal. It's my business to get in there and not let it happen. Because, limited governmentzzzz.

"These types of disagreements should be settled through the democratic process, as the Founders intended, not through litigation and court pronouncements."

The Founding Fathers fought and bled for us to vote on things! So, if you don't like something, just throw it on a ballot without any knowledge of the constitution and have everybody vote on it! Like that Proposition 8 thing in California where a bunch of gay haters were all "Hey, We Hate Gays! Do YOU? Vote here!" Or like when you used to ask a girl if she liked you or not and asked her to check the yes box or no box. The Supreme Court has no right to decide that people with zero knowledge of how the constitution works shouldn't be making voting ballots!

"I believe that marriage is a unique historical institution best defined as the union between one man and one woman. In the U.S., marriage has traditionally been defined by state law, and I believe each state, acting through their elected representatives or the ballot, should decide their own definition of marriage. For the purposes of federal law, however, Congress had every right to adopt a uniform definition and I regret that the Supreme Court would interfere with that determination."

This kind of thing should always be handled just by the state! And government should never nudge itself into personal issues that affect a whole group of people like this, unless it's something I happen to have a say in like, for example, the protection of women from their abusers. Then it's totally OK for the government to decide what's best for a swath of people. The Violence Against Women Act was instituted by Bill Clinton! So you know it's wrong! Wait... um...

"My hope is that those of us who believe in the sanctity and uniqueness of traditional marriage will continue to argue for its protection in a way that is respectful to the millions of American sons and daughters who are gay. It is also my hope that those who argue for the redefinition of marriage to include same-sex marriage will refrain from assailing the millions of Americans who disagree with them as bigots."

Those of us who oppose gay marriage aren't bigots, bro! We're TOTALLY about constitutional provisions and laws. This has NOTHING to do with our own religious beliefs and us wanting to force those beliefs on other people. That would be wrong. No, no. I'm just about tradition, and not at all involved with gay-hate groups or basing my reasons on my personal belief that you will burn for all eternity if you're a gay. I mean, just because one believes that another person is doomed to an eternal place of darkness to suffer forever doesn't make me hateful at all! Pffft.

Marco Rubio's Statement on DOMA Is a Whole Lot of Dumb

Follow Chris Joseph on Twitter




Sponsor Content