The Florida Marlins have released the final plans on a $515 million retractable-roof stadium. Hoping to convince lawmakers to approve the plans, architects apparently cut corners on things like aesthetics and looks and curb appeal. It's not that the Marlins stadium will be the ugliest thing in Little Havana; it's just that it looks like it belongs in this 1980s commercial:
The sliver lining here is that I finally have another use for my Dark Helmet outfit. I'll be slapping a Marlins symbol on it cheesehead-style and cheering on the fish as they toil in obscurity in their expensive new park.
After the jump, let's all cheer for the Boca Raton Cloned Labs!
Will Cloned Dog Inspire Huizenga-Owned Franchise?
A Boca Raton couple just took delivery of a cloned version of their old dog. Scientists in South Korea charged the couple $155,000 for the clone. Now sure, it'd be easy to criticize the couple for wasting so much money when good dogs sit in shelters and during a time where $155,000 is otherwise known to most people as a shitload of money! But at least this story has given me an idea: How about a minor-league baseball team called the Boca Raton Cloned Labradors? H. Wayne Huzenga, let me know if you're in.
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Immigrants Unluckily Wash Ashore in Boynton
Immigrants washed ashore near Boynton Beach this morning. Authorities grabbed all of them as they scattered on the beach. I'm guessing that if they had learned they were in Boynton, they would've just jumped back in their raft.
Pitcher Gets Out Before Marlins Crash Market
Yankees pitcher Sidney Ponson is reportedly selling his six-bedroom, ten-bath Fort Lauderdale mansion. There's no indication as to why, but I'm guessing Ponson is afraid South Florida real estate prices will plumet once Dark Helmet Stadium moves in.