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Meet George Achenbach: The Creepiest Escort in Palm Beach County

Gather 'round, ladies!

Do we have a chance of a lifetime. This just in to New Times HQ: There's a man with boyishly good looks who has a fetish for cop outfits and orange thongs, and he wants YOU (yes, you) to shoot photographs. Of him. Stripping. Naked. And he will pay you.

If you want to make this $35, however, time is of the essence. George Achenbach is currently querying various Miami strip clubs to see if there is any interest in his talents. Of which, there are many.

First, Achenbach wants to make something explicitly clear: He's very straight. So don't get any funny ideas, Casanova.

"Yes," he tells New Times. "I would need a female to film me. I have a camcorder to videotape me stripping. And to be honest with you, I love only women. When women look at me like a piece of meat, I love it. It's a win-win situation."

There's very little about this situation that doesn't involve winning.

First, there's this recent Craigslist ad:

Meet George Achenbach: The Creepiest Escort in Palm Beach County

Then there's so much more.

Though Achenbach has worked as a male stripper for a few months only, he's launched in that short time a sweeping and earnest online campaign to become West Palm Beach's preeminent escort. There have been exciting results, he says: "I've stripped at birthday parties. Sometimes I have sex with the women. But it depends. I only go for the women who keep themselves in good condition."

Why should Achenbach have to settle for any less? Hailing himself in advertisement after advertisement as "tall," "gorgeous," and "blond," he assures his suitors he's their "dream boy."   "After a hard day of work, I would LOVE to give you a relaxing massage," he writes in one advertisement. "Sexy, slow, all over your stressed out body, sensual, passionate, and deep body rub with lots of oils. [I'm] built for your pleasure. You deserve to be spoiled."

Think Achenbach's muscles just materialized out of the ether? Think again. "I work out constantly with weights and aerobics to keep up my appearance," says Achenbach, adding, "I'm 37." (He's 47.)

Indeed, the evidence speaks for itself:

Meet George Achenbach: The Creepiest Escort in Palm Beach County

Wait for it...

Meet George Achenbach: The Creepiest Escort in Palm Beach County

Wait for it...

Meet George Achenbach: The Creepiest Escort in Palm Beach County

And boom goes the cannon:

Meet George Achenbach: The Creepiest Escort in Palm Beach County

Now here's Hiroshima:

Meet George Achenbach: The Creepiest Escort in Palm Beach County

Marriage, Achenbach scoffs, just isn't his thing. There are just too many ladies out there. "I'm single," he says. "I don't have any domestic thing going on. I love the single life. I love meeting new women. It's the perfect situation. It's the perfect scenario."

So don't wait. Call now.

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