Memorial Day Beach Etiquette

Noodle thievery is unacceptable.
Noodle thievery is unacceptable.
Photo by Ian Witlen

Memorial Day is here, and there are currently thousands of South Floridians making their way to the beach. It's a Sunshine State tradition as old as meth and guns.

But just because you don't have to wear a shirt doesn't mean you can treat the beach like your own personal property. There are other people around you, so don't be a dick.

You might be wondering: But, how do I not be a dick?

Well, if you have to ask that question, you're not off to a good start. But if we can teach monkeys sign language, anything is possible. So here are some basic beach etiquette tips to make your Memorial Day (and those around you) more pleasant.

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6. Don't be a moocher. Fine, you can have a palmful of my sunscreen, but now you're eyeing my unattended chair, and, great, now you want to borrow some charcoal, and a towel, and, Jesus, just take my girlfriend while you're at it, too. She knows how to cook ravioli and doesn't talk during movies.

I mean, did you not know you were coming to the beach? What are you, a dog? Do you just hop in a car and hope for the best?


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