Morning Juice: New Times Offers Shoe Thrower a Job, Wealthy Strippers See Fee Increase, Herald Has Excuse for Lame Coverage
New Times Has Cubicle Ready for Shoe Thrower
This morning, Muntader al-Zaidi, the journalist who threw his shoes at President Bush yesterday, has probably found himself without a job. So that's why my employer, New Times Broward-Palm Beach, would like to offer al-Zaidi a job.
That's right, al-Zaidi, you can start immediately. You're probably wondering how your skills will translate to the great state of Florida. But let me assure you, we have politicians here who would make great targets for your loafers.
After the jump, some of the people who should be targets of al-Zaidi's shoes, including the local stripper community.
Complaining Strippers Better Watch Out for Shoes
Palm Beach County wants to raise the fee it charges for licenses issued to strippers from $25 to $75. What's sad here is that it's the strippers, H. Wayne Huizenga, and their fellow super rich who can pay more taxes. So let's hope the strippers hold a press conference to complain about the two-song dance increase, because New Times correspondent al-Zaidi will be ready to take aim with a pair of six-inch acrylic pumps.
This one literally has Raul's name on it.
Castro Brothers Deserve Shoe for Giving Herald Excuse for Lame Package
The Castro brothers have controlled Cuba for a half century, and for that, they deserve to have al-Zaidi toss a pair patent leather slip-ons at them. And it's not for all the human rights abuses and some such but because this 50th anniversary meant the Miami Herald needed to run a series of stupid-ass stories this weekend that said less about Cuban than the intro to Lonely Planet Cuba. Let's hope Premiere Bush steps down before the 50th anniversary of the shoe-throwing incident, because I won't be able to take a Herald series about whether al-Zaidi would've struck Bush if he had aimed lower. Which is, unfortunately, the case.
Dick Does Reenactment
In the video below, Dick Cheney is reenacting future press conferences in Florida. He's playing the part of our state's politicians, while an anonymous f-bomb-tosser plays the part of New Times correspondent al-Zaidi. Just sub out "Go fuck yourself" for a new pair of tennies.
-- Eric Barton
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